I have an update on
the Sandra front. I spoke to James and he convinced me that it would be best to
wait it out. Obviously he's right but I'm still anxious. Jason is still acting
normally which is a blessing. Maybe Sandra has chosen to spare her little
brother the anxiety of more family drama. One can only hope that she's seen
sense on that front.
I'm almost certain
that she knows my secret now. She continuously glares at me and I can see her
finger twitching over the emergency call button on her phone. She knows. And
she wants to tell but something is stopping her. I dare to think it's affection
for me but in all likelihood it's self-preservation. If I'm gone, she and her
brother are headed for foster care and she likes her cushy bedroom way too
much.
Don't get me wrong, I
love my niece and nephew dearly, but I'm being honest. I'm not in this situation
out of love, I'm here because my teenage god daughter likes comfort more than
she likes doing the right thing.
I'm so proud.
I'm glad that I've at
least had an influence on those kids, I've practically raised them. Even before
their mother went on "an extended trip" - as we initially told the
kids - I was more of a mother to those two. Not to brag but I feel I did a very
good job of raising two teenagers while working the equivalent of two full time
jobs.
I’m not going for mother of the year but
I’m pretty damn close and now, now the little brats are going to turn against
me. Not anytime soon but it will
happen.
As soon as they don’t need me anymore.
I knew that having children would force me
to face my mortality but I never expected it to happen so soon. For the first
time in a long time I don’t know what’s going to happen next.
Adding spontaneity to murder is one thing
but to fear of your children (not
just fear for them); it’s a whole new game.
I need a massage. And a spa trip for at
least a month.
As always, dear readers,
Stay Safe
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