Your Mid-Week Update for 10/15/14

My kids and I have always had a fairly open relationship. It's been a rule of James's ever since we gained custody of two troubled preteens. Honesty as often as possible. And with a few recent omissions (re: Sandra discovering my secret, and the reason for my break from reality) we've actually stuck to that rule. 

It made having the sex talk with a very confused 14 year old who just lost her mother so much easier. It might have led to some uncomfortable conversations when Sandra started to...you know...but I think we were better off keeping the lines of communication open.

It's funny how you start to regret your decisions when they come to bite you in the ass.

You see ever since I came home, I've been unable to kill. And I accept that as part of the readjustment process. I'm much more balanced now and I'm not going to go off the deep end any time soon. But it does mean that all the energy I've normally spent on hanging a man from a tree by his spleen (Halloween 2006; classic) is now bubbling around inside, seeking release. Of course my loving husband has been there to help me release some of that...energy.

Sex. We've been having a lot of sex. Just everywhere. All the time. 

Pretty much the moment we're both home (sometimes earlier) the clothes come off and we're ready to go. Sometimes we can't even wait for clothes to come completely off or for our partner to actually be present before we get started - but let's be real, frantic sex when he barely gets his pants unzipped before he pushes you up against the kitchen counter is fucking hot. 

Now normally this desperation for release is fine; the kids are always out late (Sandra is either at work or band practice and Jason, sweet Jason, is on his third girlfriend since July) so we have the house to ourselves for a few hours. But sometimes one of them comes home early and we get caught in a compromising position. 

Seven times.

Our fool-proof system for getting off without the kids catching us is failing miserably. The kids know we have sex - honesty goes both ways in our family - but actually catching your parents like that is enough to traumatize any child. Between Sandra's discovery, my break down and now this, we're very lucky neither of the kids have taken drastic measures. Actually, they've been taking the situation very well.

With the exception of Sunday night. 

The kids were home all day studying and whatnot so James and I had a quick round in the bedroom for once before joining the family for some quiet home life - something very rare in this family as you can imagine. James and I emerge from our bedroom to find the kids set up in the living room with two empty chairs in front of them.

They had a fucking intervention. 

Literally.

Two teenagers sat down with their parents and discussed sex. And how we need to stop. They called us "hormonal teenagers who need to control their urges in favour of public decency." 

Shut up. They're not right.

It's my house for god's sake.

Regardless, we agreed to tone it down to honour the sanity of our children. The things we do for them. 

So James and I stopped having sex outside our bedroom - no matter how great the laundry room is for...never mind - and the kids haven't caught us going at it like rabbits since Sunday. 

I may be regretting our "open and honest" policy just a little bit but not enough to throw it out the window. I mean those rules have gotten us through some tough times. Sandra was able to tell me when she hit puberty, when she got her first boyfriend, when they had sex for the first time, when she got her first F and that she’d ruined her chances of getting a scholarship; even Jason told me when he hit puberty, and got his first girlfriend. 

I pray to god that boy hasn't had sex yet. The thought of little Jasons running around before I'm too old to care just gives me a headache. 

I am glad that my kids share things that are important to them. James and I try to do the same even if it leads to incredibly awkward conversations like why your underwear is hanging off the china cabinet. 

But that is not the point. The point is I am incredibly horny and James just left for work. And Daniel just drove away. And the kids have already left for school. And I have to go to work in a couple minutes. 

Fuck.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe