I killed another one! I realize that one dead man in nearly a month is not exactly groundbreaking for me but I am incredibly proud of myself
so no one had better ruin this moment for me.
Dr. Owlface says that I shouldn’t feel discouraged if I can’t
immediately return to my normal way of life and that these things take time. He’s
still not my favourite person in the world but I have to side with him in this
instance. He’s been a big help these last few months in helping me come to
terms with my struggle for control. Patience is not my strong suit but so far
it’s working.
And I just quoted my therapist as a legitimate source for
reassuring myself. I need a drink.
EDIT: Okay, I’m back. As I was saying, I killed another one
earlier this week. It wasn’t a particularly spectacular kill by any stretch of
the imagination but I made sure Daniel knew it was my birthday present to him.
Alright so I ran over his garbage man and put the body in
his bin where I knew he’d be the first one to find it. Like I said, not my best
work but this time I was there to see his face when he took out the trash the
next morning and my god, it was worth having to give my car an impromptu wash in
the middle of what had to have been the coldest night in January so far.
His face got all red and splotchy, and he got this unibrow
look from staring at the body too long – like he was too confused and shocked
to be furious. But then he did exactly what I was hoping he would do: nothing.
He did absolutely nothing; he piled some garbage bags on top of the body and
walked away. I knew we were on the same page about this: our little game is too
much fun to share with anyone, especially the police.
I was worried for a little bit after our kiss that he would
want to step up his game but I think he’s softening up to me. I think he’s
starting to understand the rules of our game.
And yes, since so many of you caught my not-so-subtle story
last week, I’ll finish it.
Daniel and I did kiss at his birthday dinner and no, it wasn’t
bad but no, I wasn’t cheating on James. To be perfectly honest it was his idea.
Remember all those months ago when James and Daniel met, and my husband was so
excited because he came up with a plan to finally beat him? Well, this is his
plan. To distract Daniel as long and as often as possible. Keep him off my
trail by keeping him as close as possible.
And it started with a kiss.
We were arguing in the kitchen – well mostly he was just
calling me rude names and telling me how much he wants to fucking kill me – and
he stepped in close to sort of growl at me when I just looked at him and…kissed
him. It wasn’t a long kiss or a particularly memorable kiss but it worked. He
stared at me, still seething mad, and then he
kissed me. He was quiet aggressive.
It wasn’t unpleasant.
But after a few minutes of that, he shoved me against a wall
and told me “this isn’t over” and walked back into the dining room like nothing
had happened.
James came in to check on me while I was readjusting
everything and he knew without even really looking that we’d set the plan into
motion.
Make no mistake, dear readers, I love my husband dearly;
even more so for the trust he’s placed on me since we began this endeavor to
rid our lives of this man. The steps that come next will not be easy for either
of us but I love him and I’ll do my best not to cross his line.
But I have to do whatever it takes to make sure Daniel never
catches me. I have to make sure he can’t hurt me or my family and that’s all
there is to it.
No matter the cost.
As always, dear readers,
Stay Safe
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