Your Mid-Week Update for 02/18/15

So.

Visited my sister on Sunday.

That was an adventure.

I’ve only visited my sister a handful of times since she’s been incarcerated and one of those times was the guardianship hearing where I got custody of her children. Our relationship has been kind of…rocky these last few years but we’re still sisters. We’ve learned to bury the hatchet, literally. Once. Either way we still share a lot of the same interests and passions; we would still do basically anything for each other. That part will never change.

I miss my sister. She was the best part of my family and I miss spending time with her. I know I should visit her more often but it’s not easy to see her like that. She’s gotten thinner, paler. She has more muscles, though, and she seemed calmer. I’m glad she’s fitting in. That’s all a girl can ask for when spending nine years in a women’s prison. I’ve been thinking about watching Orange is the New Black so I can compare it to what actually goes on.

On second thought, I’d better not. You remember what happened when I watched Dexter.

Never again.

Anyways, I went to see her, we exchanged awkward pleasantries, and then we just laughed.

I know that seems crazy but we used to do it all the time. Whenever we were having a bad day and our parents were less than understanding, we could just look at each other and laugh.

God, I miss her so much sometimes. I don’t condone all of her actions but I love her and I had to tell her the truth. I told her what our mother did – how she’s the one who sent the “anonymous tip”.

My sister, she knew. She knew that our mother sent her to prison but she said nothing to me. Not that it would have been any better coming from her but we’re supposed to tell each other everything. That was the deal we made. We don’t cut corners. We keep each other safe.

Obviously I failed in that but I’m here for her now.

But first, we deal with my business.

I asked her to kill Daniel’s cousin and she agreed. I knew she would but it’s still nice.

But first, she wants something in return. Payment for risking her freedom. I saw no reason not to agree until she told me what she wanted.

I rarely come to see my sister but Sandra and Jason: they’ve never visited their mother in prison. A lot of it is Sandra influencing her brother. She blames her mother for abandoning them and she has yet to let it go. Not that I’m one to talk about mother-grudges but it’s meant that my sister hasn’t spoken to her children in nearly five years and she wants to see them just once. That’s what she wants from me: for Sandra and Jason to come and visit her.

I don’t know why I said yes. I have many skills but completing the impossible is not one of them.

Sandra will not go. I’ve asked her many times before and her answer has always been a resounding “no” – with a few choice words thrown in for effect. If Sandra goes then Jason will go but I don’t know how I’m going to pull it off. I haven’t told the kids yet but I’ll have to soon.

Regardless of what happens next, I’m glad I went to see my sister. It just makes me think about how I would have turned out if I didn’t have her. What would have happened if she were there over the summer when I was struggling? Not that James and the kids weren’t enough but…maybe they weren’t. Maybe things wouldn’t have gone that far if I had someone else to keep me stable.

Crazy things that pop through my head when I’m not killing people. Scary, right?

Anyways, if you have any suggestions on how to break the news to the kids then please let me know, I’m at a total loss.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

P.S. I know I’m a few days late but I know you sometimes read my blog so: Happy Birthday, Sis. I’ll figure it out.