Your Mid-Week Update for 03/25/15

I enjoy being right. I do. It fills me with a great sense of pride. Even when I’m being my pessimistic self and everything is going wrong, at least I was right about it going wrong.

As predicted, the pain killers loosened my tongue and on Wednesday night I let it slip to the kids that their mother really wanted them to go and visit her. Sandra was silent, as predicted, she just stared at me with this uncaring sort of look on her face – it’s unnerving. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: she has missed her calling as a crime boss or a police detective. Jason actually startled me with how quickly he shouted “no” from across the dinner table but I kept my eyes locked on her. She has and always will be the ringleader of the duo and I knew that if anyone could convince Jason, it’d have to be her. Everything was tense and quiet for perhaps a full minute before finally, Sandra looked at James and agreed to go. Jason was none too pleased but one look from his big sister shut him up. But then that girl’s gaze can be unnerving – especially when paired with the phrase “but don’t think this won’t come at a price.” I swear, that girl scares me sometimes. She knows my secrets, one of them anyways, and Jason knows another, and there’s no telling what those two will do if they think they’re getting revenge on me. My sister will protect me from any allegations the kids make but I think it’s time to make changes.

The kids and I used to be so close – we used to be able to tell each other anything including all the gross embarrassing stuff. Sandra came to me the day she got her period. Jason came to me when he was worried about when he’d be ready to have sex with his girlfriend. Yes, they would both kill me if they know I’d just told a bunch of strangers these but that is beside the point. The point is I’m losing my relationship with my kids. They actually agreed to go and see their mother – with very little protesting. I’m worried.

Nonetheless James drove the pair up on Saturday morning and they spent the day there. They didn’t get back until very late and the kids went straight to bed – or at least went straight to their rooms, Jason still isn’t sleeping properly. James told me that he stayed outside the entire time so he had no idea what went on between them. But when the kids came back, they were quiet. He said they didn’t speak during the entire car ride back home. Sunday was like living in a monastery. So silent and still – I had to get out of there.

Luckily my girlfriend picked me up and we went out to a very noisy bar where we watched a (hockey?) game and pretended to pick up guys who were already drunk by late-afternoon. It was so much fun. Whenever I manipulate men it’s always to get something from them (information or an eyeball – the left one, always the left one) but doing it just for fun should be an Olympic sport. Charlotte would definitely win a medal. She had three guys wrapped around her finger with in twenty minutes of sitting at the bar.

I remember when we first met at Daniel’s house, she was so cool and charming but quiet. It was like, the second you got her to open up, she became a completely different person. It’s baffling. I mean I adore new Charlotte, but experience has taught me that people with personality quirks like that have something to hide.

You don’t think…

No.

You know, we didn’t talk about Daniel at all on Sunday. I didn’t even know he was back until Monday morning when he stopped by the house just after the kids left for school to ask how I was feeling. He seemed genuinely concerned. James was there for a little while before he left for work and the three of us had a casually awkward conversation about nothing in particular. As soon as James had left, Daniel kissed my hand and told me he was very glad I wasn’t hurt worse than I was. I swear, he was painfully sincere.

But I didn’t have to think about any of that until Sunday night. Sunday afternoon got to be spent with a good friend in a fun and exciting location – and that was preferable to staying in that mausoleum of a house. For a few hours I forgot about work, and the kids, and the feud, and the bloodlust, and I just got to hang out. I got to spend time with my friend doing something we genuinely enjoy doing without fear of repercussions. I really needed that break.

The kids still haven’t told me what happened on Saturday and I haven’t gotten a chance to go out there and ask my sister. Heather is going on holidays and apparently it’s my job to train her temp. Even though it’s her replacement and I’m not back at the office until Monday. I get to remotely show her our filing system and how to do all the little things Heather supposedly does for me. This should be fun. I’ve got my hands full with frustrating newbies and Jason had another appointment yesterday which left him emotionally drained.

I’m just…I’m tired.

And I know I have no one to blame but myself and Daniel but this unscheduled halt in my life has only made me more restless. I don’t know, maybe I just have to try harder to relax but so far, things haven’t been working out. I guess I just have to push through. Nothing else to do.

Sorry, that was angsty.

I’ll be over here.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Your Mid-Week Update for 03/18/15

I’m feeling a little slow and uninspired today; but that is likely because of the copious amounts of pain killers I’m currently on. I have been high as balls the last few days but I’m finally regaining some focus this morning.

See, Friday night, I was driving back from visiting my sister and my car got t-boned on the highway. I’m alright but I broke my leg which means I’m off my feet for a few weeks. The other driver is not okay. Unfortunately the impact from the collision caused me to bash his head in with a tire iron and make it look like he hit his head on the steering wheel. Oops.

That’s right, you heard me. I killed someone for fun this weekend.

It was like the clouds opened and angels sang and there was blood everywhere. I’m serious. It’s like a weight was lifted off my chest. Until I passed out from the pain of several bones sticking out of my leg.

Okay maybe I’m exaggerating but it was still broken and it still hurt.

I’m stuck at home for the next little while which means I have recruited my lovely husband to do some reconnaissance on Daniel’s old friend, whom I am calling Chip. Because he looks like he’d have an asshole name like Chip. He’s actually really nice – based on the conversations I had with him at Daniel’s birthday dinner – I just don’t think people who are entirely good would be friends with a disgraced private investigator who holds a ridiculous grudge against people.  So James is out stalking him when he’s not at work or running interference between me and the kids.

I’m working from home since my office has no elevator or feasible way for me to go up and down three flights of stairs every day which means that I’m there when the kids get home from school. They can’t escape me muahaha. They’re still not talking to me but at least they have to face me. It’s a start.

My sister was none too pleased when I told her that her children still had no desire to see her. I think she understands why but it can’t be easy to be rejected by your own children. I honestly don’t know what to do but I’m sure I’ll end up telling the kids the truth sometime this week. Because that’s just how life goes.

I haven’t seen Daniel since the accident. The conspiracy theorist in my wants to think that he had something to do with the incident but I don’t want to believe it. The guy was drunk driving home from a party, I doubt there’s anything more than that.

Charlotte visited me in the hospital and told me that Daniel had been called away on business – which isn’t helping. She’s visited me every day after she’s done work. All Heather did was send a card. Not that I was expecting much from my secretary but it would have been nice if someone from the office at least acknowledged me. Not that I’ve been very focused on work these past few months. Still.

I’m realizing that I’ve been very single-minded lately and it’s done nothing but pile on the problems in my life. I’m thinking that taking this unscheduled break will be a much needed palate cleanser for the senses. Maybe once the smoke clears I can really…relish the fact that I killed someone this weekend. I have no idea if I’m ready to go back to my full time gig or if this was just a one-time thing but I have quite a lot of thinking to do about my life.

Or.

I could stop thinking about it and just do it.

That’s always a possibility.

In the meantime.

Time for my next dose.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Your Mid-Week Update for 03/11/15

Alright. I’m back.

Last week was not my best but I got over it and we’re back. But because I essentially missed last week, there’s a lot going on so please try to keep up.

First of all: Still watching American Horror Story; still madly in love with all these dark ideas. I’m trying to convince James to go down to New Orleans with me but he’s not buying it. I’ve never been to Louisiana, I think it’d be an adventure. Plus all their ritual sacrifices – on the show, probably – is making me a little blood-thirsty. Which brings me to number two.

I’ve picked out my next victim. I know, last week, I was talking about deviating from the plan but I was just being emotional. Yes, I miss the way things used to be and yes, my vendetta against Daniel Westburn sometimes feels aimless and more damning than it’s worth but I know the truth. I’m back on track now. Daniel took away three months of my life and then he kept coming after me, waiting for me to slip up so he could do it again. At the first sign that he would come after my family, I vowed to make sure that he couldn’t. 

Killing the people in his life that are even remotely close to him keeps me in power but it also makes me vulnerable. And I took it too far. Jason catching the two of us together was beyond horrible. It put Daniel back in the driver seat while driving a wedge between me and my children – one that hasn’t been there in a long time.

Daniel Westburn has effectively ruined my life. And so I’m going to ruin his. Unfortunately I’m practically in love with his wife so I can’t do anything to hurt her. But he has other family members. Other people in his inner circle. Killing one of his co-workers would be bad. I’d get a whole team of former police and military officers after me and that is exhausting. I remember this one time years ago when I set a marine on fire. The smell would not come out of my clothes and it was on the news for months. I tell you, it’s rarely worth it – and besides, those guys go through enough, we really should give them a break unless they really deserve it. No one is entirely exempt from the laws of society.

Says the serial killer.

In any case, I can’t kill one of his co-workers just yet and I’m saving the family relations until much later. And then I remembered Daniel’s birthday dinner. In college, he had the same roommate through most of his time there and the two became quite close but since drifted apart after graduation. Now they meet occasionally for coffee or to go golfing – or whatever men do at that age.

Killing Ronny the Roommate won’t halt Daniel’s world, but it’ll certainly make him think twice about who he brings into his home.

I have some spying to do.

Speaking of spying.

Daniel is back to simply stalking me and nothing more. I think he’s biding his time. No way would he let this opportunity pass to get back at me. He’s much too rational for that. On Monday, I decided to make a preemptive strike: I went and complained to his wife. Charlotte and I went to dinner – our girl’s nights are becoming quite frequent, I think she’s going to ask me to go steady – and I casually mentioned that Daniel hasn’t been actively working on my case lately and I worry that my money is going to waste. She promised she would speak to him about spending more time with me.

So far, he hasn’t. But I did get a lovely little glare from him on Tuesday morning as I was leaving for work. I never thought I’d actually complain that someone wasn’t stalking me but such is the life we lead.

At least I’ve managed to bring a little bit of the power back over to the right side. Even James was getting worried – though he’s been worried about a lot lately. His hours at work are starting to even out a little – apparently there’s been a lull in crime since I took up my crusade – which means that he’s home for more evenings. Which, of course, means that he gets to spend time with the kids, trying to figure out how to convince them to visit their mother in prison.

Oh no, I have not forgotten about the deal I made with my sister. She knows it’ll take time for her children to come around and she’s willing to wait but I don’t want to make her wait for any longer than necessary. She’s been through so much already. I haven’t even told Sandra yet. In all honesty, I just don’t have the words. I can’t convince her to go see a mother she hates when I wouldn’t do the same. This is why I have James. Even if he has been a little distant lately. I wonder if the stress of Daniel is getting to him. It can’t be my secret. He’s kept it too long, he’s too invested. It has to be Daniel.

Or maybe I’m just paranoid.

I am not paranoid about the fact that my children hate me. I get nothing but the cold shoulder from both of them. I’m used to that from Sandra but Jason breaks my heart a little. And it’s all Daniel’s fault. I would never cheat on James – without his permission, I wouldn’t have done anything – but because of that man, my son thinks I’m a cheater. He looks at me differently. Sandra and I have always had a very…particular relationship. You know that I love the little brat but she knows my secret and she’s mad at me. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little worried about what she’ll do if I push her over the edge.

Telling her about her mother will definitely push her over the edge.

She hasn’t told Jason yet which means I’m safe for now. It’s not too late to salvage my relationship with him. He’s getting a small weekly allowance from me which, so far, is keeping him quiet but his first appointment with the psychologist is on Saturday and I don’t know what kind of emotional state he’ll be in.

See, the problem with doing these updates on a Wednesday is that nothing interesting happens on a Wednesday. Really, Wednesdays have become my time to stew on all the things going wrong that week. At least I have some goals this week:

                Get Daniel to talk to me,

                Kill (or at least stalk) Ronny the Roommate,

                Start reconnecting with James, and

                Try not to worry too much about Jason.

He’s growing up, I can’t protect him forever. Both of them aren’t going to be children for much longer – not that they had much of a childhood. What’s going to happen after they graduate? I know Sandra plans to be a research analyst but I’ve heard no talk of any post-secondary options. I know Jason is good with computers but that’s all I really know. They’re both going to be moving out and getting on with their lives, carrying the family secrets with them. What will happen then?

Okay, I can’t be worried about this right now. I have to go to work. Tax season sucks.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Your Mid-Week Update for 03/04/15

Well…shit’s still a mess. Your children hate you, your sister’s still in jail, and your stalker has gone back to stalking you instead of tonguing you in the hall closet. What are you gonna do?

Watch TV.

Apparently.

I started watching American Horror Story over the weekend. I can’t believe I didn’t start earlier. I didn’t have to go anywhere – it’s not like I have any murdering of my own to do – so I got through the first season and half of the second season. It’s awesome.

Are any of my readers out there watching it? I’d love to talk about it.

It definitely rekindled the little spark of homicidal rage I had buried inside. Maybe I should just ignore Daniel’s return to a professional relationship and kill his wife.

No, I really do like Charlotte. And she’s the only one who would go to 50 Shades of Grey with me so we could through popcorn at the patrons who enjoyed it. It’s a stupid ass movie and we didn’t even get to see Jamie Dornan’s dick.

But I’m thinking I should just forgo the caution and the revenge and just…go back to murder.

If Daniel had enough to arrest me or had any really desire to, he’d have done so by now. He’s just trying to intimidate me, I see that now. I should just kill. I should just…

God damn mother fucking shit

Sorry, sorry.

This is all just a little overwhelming. I shouldn’t be making hasty decisions right now.

I should just go to work, ignore Heather, and focus on one problem at a time.

Sorry I don’t have a lot of things to say this week, dear readers, everything is still sort of…up in the 

air. Hopefully things will be better next week.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe