I enjoy being right. I
do. It fills me with a great sense of pride. Even when I’m being my pessimistic
self and everything is going wrong, at least I was right about it going wrong.
As predicted, the pain
killers loosened my tongue and on Wednesday night I let it slip to the kids
that their mother really wanted them to go and visit her. Sandra was silent, as
predicted, she just stared at me with this uncaring sort of look on her face –
it’s unnerving. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: she has missed her
calling as a crime boss or a police detective. Jason actually startled me with
how quickly he shouted “no” from across the dinner table but I kept my eyes
locked on her. She has and always will be the ringleader of the duo and I knew
that if anyone could convince Jason, it’d have to be her. Everything was tense
and quiet for perhaps a full minute before finally, Sandra looked at James and
agreed to go. Jason was none too pleased but one look from his big sister shut
him up. But then that girl’s gaze can be unnerving – especially when paired
with the phrase “but don’t think this won’t come at a price.” I swear, that
girl scares me sometimes. She knows my secrets, one of them anyways, and Jason
knows another, and there’s no telling what those two will do if they think they’re
getting revenge on me. My sister will protect me from any allegations the kids
make but I think it’s time to make changes.
The kids and I used to
be so close – we used to be able to tell each other anything including all the
gross embarrassing stuff. Sandra came to me the day she got her period. Jason
came to me when he was worried about when he’d be ready to have sex with his
girlfriend. Yes, they would both kill me if they know I’d just told a bunch of
strangers these but that is beside the point. The point is I’m losing my
relationship with my kids. They actually agreed to go and see their mother –
with very little protesting. I’m worried.
Nonetheless James drove
the pair up on Saturday morning and they spent the day there. They didn’t get
back until very late and the kids went straight to bed – or at least went
straight to their rooms, Jason still isn’t sleeping properly. James told me
that he stayed outside the entire time so he had no idea what went on between
them. But when the kids came back, they were quiet. He said they didn’t speak
during the entire car ride back home. Sunday was like living in a monastery. So
silent and still – I had to get out of there.
Luckily my girlfriend
picked me up and we went out to a very noisy bar where we watched a (hockey?)
game and pretended to pick up guys who were already drunk by late-afternoon. It
was so much fun. Whenever I manipulate men it’s always to get something from
them (information or an eyeball – the left one, always the left one) but doing
it just for fun should be an Olympic sport. Charlotte would definitely win a
medal. She had three guys wrapped around her finger with in twenty minutes of
sitting at the bar.
I remember when we
first met at Daniel’s house, she was so cool and charming but quiet. It was like, the second you got
her to open up, she became a completely different person. It’s baffling. I mean
I adore new Charlotte, but experience has taught me that people with
personality quirks like that have something to hide.
You don’t think…
No.
You know, we didn’t
talk about Daniel at all on Sunday. I didn’t even know he was back until Monday
morning when he stopped by the house just after the kids left for school to ask
how I was feeling. He seemed genuinely concerned. James was there for a little
while before he left for work and the three of us had a casually awkward
conversation about nothing in particular. As soon as James had left, Daniel
kissed my hand and told me he was very glad I wasn’t hurt worse than I was. I
swear, he was painfully sincere.
But I didn’t have to
think about any of that until Sunday night. Sunday afternoon got to be spent
with a good friend in a fun and exciting location – and that was preferable to
staying in that mausoleum of a house. For a few hours I forgot about work, and
the kids, and the feud, and the bloodlust, and I just got to hang out. I got to
spend time with my friend doing something we genuinely enjoy doing without fear
of repercussions. I really needed that break.
The kids still haven’t
told me what happened on Saturday and I haven’t gotten a chance to go out there
and ask my sister. Heather is going on holidays and apparently
it’s my job to train her temp. Even
though it’s her replacement and I’m not back at the office until Monday. I get
to remotely show her our filing system and how to do all the little things
Heather supposedly does for me. This should be fun. I’ve got my hands full with
frustrating newbies and Jason had another appointment yesterday which left him
emotionally drained.
I’m just…I’m tired.
And I know I have no one to blame but
myself and Daniel but this unscheduled halt in my life has only made me more
restless. I don’t know, maybe I just have to try harder to relax but so far, things
haven’t been working out. I guess I just have to push through. Nothing else to
do.
Sorry, that was angsty.
I’ll be over here.
As always, dear readers,
Stay Safe
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