Your Mid-Week Update for 05/27/15

So…Charlotte, Daniel, James, and I went on a few double dates when we first “officially” met the Westburns. Okay, two; we went on two double dates. They weren’t bad, time just got away from us, and I was so busy working them separately that we never really got together again.

Either Charlotte or Daniel (not entirely sure which) decided that it would be a wonderful idea to try again. They started asking maybe a month ago (when Daniel was apparently starting to fall in love with me) and I kept avoiding it but I officially ran out of excuses on Friday.

The four of us went to a classy but not too expensive chain restaurant, sat down, ordered wine, and stayed fairly silent while we decided on meals. It was incredibly uncomfortable. It took so much convincing to get James to even come out with me tonight and stay civil. Ultimately, it was Sandra who got him to agree. I don’t know what she said but it kept him quiet and polite on the ride to the restaurant.

You know, whether or not she realizes it, she knows almost the entire situation. She knows why Daniel was really stalking me and about the alleged affair, even James’s anger with me – I know he’s angry and not just frustrated or upset. I’ve forgotten how much James did for me all those months ago – and during my recovery. I was so caught up with Daniel…

He killed for me. He went against his morals in order to help me heal and I forgot. No one has ever killed for me before and it made me fall in love with him a little bit more (a lot more, really), but then I just moved on. James has always known exactly what I need and I haven’t reciprocated.

It’s time to get to know my husband again.

Anyways, the four of us arrived almost simultaneously which is just crazy. Normally there’s one couple who arrives early and then you have to sit there and wait for the others while the waiter glares at you because he really wanted to go on his break but now he has to wait for you and your guests to shake hands and carefully choose a wine and each order very particular dishes that you never wanted to share with the table but the stick of a woman sitting next to you is secretly shaming you into adding it to the sacrificial pile you’ve created in the centre of the table like you’re having some potluck dinner at the restaurant which is ridiculous because if you were all just going to share food, you could have saved everyone time and money and had a picnic or something.

We’ve done this before (James and I), we’ve dated other couples and it always goes down that way. In those days, if it didn’t really work out, there was always the possibility of murder.

I can’t exactly do that with these two, which is very frustrating. Luckily the waiter who was serving us got off just as we were leaving so I did get a little stress relief, but the evening was still rather…trying.

I don’t understand how, but Charlotte seemed to remain completely oblivious to the fact that her husband would not stop talking about me and touching me throughout the entire evening. Or maybe I’m just being incredibly vain to think that he was being very obvious with his advances. Vanity is, of course, a possibility – it’s not correct but it’s a possibility.

James noticed because he wouldn’t stop staring at Daniel throughout the entire meal. He only spoke if someone asked him a question, and even then, he kept it short and polite. That was the theme of the evening because I’m sure Daniel held back a few choice words for me and my husband. I tried to focus on Charlotte and the bits of small talk we were partaking in, but she was so sweet it was almost obnoxious.

Dinner tasted great – I’m almost sad I killed the waiter – at least I didn’t kill the cook. The wine had me flushing and at least open to more conversation if there was any to be had. There wasn’t, but at least I was open to it.

All in all, the entire evening was incredibly uncomfortable but at least I didn’t have to cook.

The most ridiculous part of the evening came at the end of the night when we were paying our separate bills – at least James was polite enough to pay for my meal. Charlotte asked if we could “do it again some time.”

And James said yes.

I still don’t understand why, but he said yes.

Even Daniel looked shocked.

There is no way that I am doing that again. I will have dinner with Charlotte, I will have dinner with James – I will not have dinner with Daniel but at least that would be better than the giant elephant in the room that we can’t address because Charlotte needs to stay in the dark about me and Daniel, and Daniel needs to stay in the dark about Charlotte leaving him because of the affair she thinks he’s having.

I still think Charlotte is too good for him but at least when the two of them are together, there’s some sense of stability. Like she keeps him reined in. If she leaves, there’s really no telling what he’d do – to me or the world.

I have to keep those two together. Somehow.

Because I have all the time in the world to focus on another couple’s problems even if I am partially to blame.

After some being took over James’s body and he agreed to another double date – and I killed the waiter – we drove home in silence. He just watched me asphyxiate the boy, leaning against the car like he was waiting for the next spot in the bathroom instead of watching his wife smother the life out of a twenty-something boy with a piece of saran wrap. And then he just got in the car and waited for me to clean up and drive him home. He didn’t say a word until we got home and then it was only to say “good night” and head to the kitchen.

I don’t know what Sandra told him on Friday, and I probably never will, but whatever it was, it made him pliable but closed off.

I wonder if she told him about her urges. She told me that they’ve been getting more intense lately. Whenever she’s frustrated or angry, her body moves straight towards violence, no middle ground. So far she hasn’t hurt anyone but I imagine it will start up soon. She’s around the age when I started (not too much older) so of course it would happen now. Yet another thing for me to deal with.

Keeping Sandra away from the edge and keeping Charlotte off my back are two of the many little things that I have going on. I really, really need more sleep.

God help me.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

P.S. Happy Birthday Jason. See, I did remember.