I feel like I can finally breathe. I returned to work on
Monday and I’m kind of playing catch up but everyone is still handling me with
kid gloves so they’re not going to get mad at me if I miss a few deadlines. Heather
is really the only one who’s treated me like normal but I think that’s because
she forgot I was gone. I must admit that having that small bit of normalcy (aka
Heather being a fairly productive bitch) has been a blessing.
Jason is heading back to school next week – so he promises.
James and I had a long talk about how to handle Jason’s absence and we agreed
that pushing him to go back to school will not further our relationship in any
way. We did give him a bit of a deadline but we all agree that the longer he
stays away from school the harder it will be for him to return so he’s arranged
to get caught up on his lessons in anticipation.
The girl who dropped off his schoolwork last week – who we’re
calling Sara – has been coming by every day after school and going through all
of the things he’s missed. She’s sweet and has a crush on Jason with such
obvious fashion that I can’t help but tease him. He just blushes and tells me
to stop which just makes me think that he likes her back. Apparently he’s known
her since Junior High and they take the majority of their classes together.
Since he and his girlfriend split a few months ago, they’ve become closer. I
think he’s afraid to ask her out. I’d make fun of his flair for angsty drama
but I remember being his age: liking someone and having no idea how to handle
those feelings.
Obviously I found a method for venting my feelings but that’s
not a solution. That’s not a comfort to Jason. Being someone he can talk to is
the closest thing I have to comfort for him. I just hope that the time we spent
together last week has helped both of us.
On Sunday I got a call from Charlotte. Apparently Daniel has
been pronounced “missing and assumed dead”. The local police are looking at any
and all suspects and want to speak with anyone who had any sort of serious
connection with him.
She gave them my name.
As his former client, turned friend, turned acquaintance.
Not his lover or killer.
Oh god, I can’t believe I’d forgotten: trying to seduce Daniel
to keep him from finding out my secret. How poorly that plan turned out.
I haven’t been paying much attention to James lately; I’ve
just been letting him do his own thing. We haven’t talked about the separation
though I know it’s something that needs to be dealt with. We were doing better –
we were healing – and then everything happened. Now that I can at least feel
hope, I’ve started wondering, just in moments of weakness, if James is staying
with me out of some sense of duty – a need to protect me, or maybe out of pity.
I shouldn’t think about those things. I cannot allow myself to feel insecure.
It won’t help.
Yesterday, I went down to the precinct to talk to a scraggly
looking detective about my relationship with Daniel. It involved a lot of lying
around the truth and an amount of memory recall that I never knew I possessed. I
had to think back to our first meeting a year and a half ago.
A young co-worker and an obsessive P.I.
The detective (Gordon, we’ll call him) was old and tired,
and wanted to go home. I clearly wasn’t a suspect in his eyes, but simply a
character witness. It made things a little easier. I could talk about Daniel as
he was with his wife – not with me. From what I observed, he once loved her
very much. But it was clear that Charlotte and Daniel had different feelings
about their marriage and I did nothing to help matters.
I also might have accidentally implied that Charlotte was a
suspect in her husband’s disappearance. I didn’t mean to, honestly. She doesn’t
deserve any of this. I’ll have to find a way to make it up to her – if she’s exonerated.
That’s what friends do.
As always, dear readers,
Stay Safe
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