Your Mid-Week Update for 03/30/16

Well, I’m officially going on vacation.

This time next month I will be on a beach in Miami, spending nine, glorious days with no interruptions. No family – for better or worse – no work, no worries. I’m really looking forward to it. I went into Rick’s office on Friday to see if I could take a long weekend this month and he sort of went off on me. He confessed on Monday that he had been having a rough day and there was no excuse to yell at me but it happened and he can’t take it back. It actually worked out really well for me. I went in asking for one extra day and I got six.

In hind sight, I probably shouldn’t have argued with my boss like that but he was acting like a dick. He accused me of not pulling my weight in the company. He had the audacity to tell me I wasn’t doing my job when all he does is jerk off behind his desk and expense non-company products.

That’s a lie. I’m just mad. Rick’s a pretty good guy but throwing false accusations around me is dangerous and he should know better.

To make a long story short, an argument about one day off ended with Rick shouting: “fuck it, take the whole week” as I slammed the door behind me. Of course, I took that as permission and immediately filed the paperwork to take one of my four weeks paid vacation.

The approval went through on Monday and Rick also apologized, sending me away with his blessing. I was able to book my flight that day and I’m now looking at resorts along the beach because I don’t plan on walking more than a block the entire time I’m down there.

It’s gonna be great.

What’s not great is the idea or leaving Jason and James alone for over a week. I love my boys but I don’t know if they’re ready to fend for themselves. Those two have always had a very odd relationship. Jason knows that James has no real connection to him and yet cares for him, and James knows that Jason is apprehensive of his Aunt’s husband. He’s always been “James”, never “dad” or “uncle”. Sandra was the same way. Which is why I try not to leave them alone for too long but this will be the real test. Can they survive without damaging their relationship? Oh man, that would be so entertaining to watch.

But I’ve got a month to prepare them for this. I think they can handle it.

Especially now that Jason will be out most afternoons at his new job. He sent out dozens of resumes a couple of weeks ago and he finally heard back from a fast food chain, looking to hire an afternoon cashier. It pays minimum wage and he already hates the uniform that he’ll have to wear but I’m really proud of him. He’s being responsible, making his own way. It’s really great. I hope he sticks with it.

We’ll see.

That seems to be the theme this week.

We’ll see.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Goat Children Blitz

Goat Children by Jordan Elizabeth 

A young adult novel with a touch of fantasy, love, and imagination versus reality.

When Keziah’s grandmother, Oma, is diagnosed with dementia, Keziah faces two choices: leave her family and move to New Winchester to care for Oma, or stay in New York City and allow her grandmother to live in a nursing home miles away.

The dementia causes Oma to be rude and paranoid, nothing like the woman Keziah remembers. Each day becomes a greater weight and love a harsher burden. Keziah must keep Oma from wandering off or falling, and try to convince her grandmother to see a doctor as her eyesight and hearing fail, but Oma refuses to believe anything is wrong. Resentful of her hardships in New Winchester, Keziah finds herself drawn to Oma’s ramblings about the Goat Children, a mythical warrior class. These fighters ride winged horses, locating people in need, while attempting to destroy evil in the world. Oma sees the Goat Children everywhere, and as Keziah reads the stories Oma wrote about them, she begins to question if they really exist.

Your Mid-Week Update for 03/23/16

I had a long chat with James about my fears with Jason. We came to the conclusion that we don’t really know what Jason needs but we’re bad parents. Neither of us knew what we were getting into when we started. Raising kids is a lot harder when you actually have to take responsibility for teaching them. That was the biggest learning curve, actually. The difference between “that’s your mother’s problem” and “oh shit, that’s my problem now” was staggering. Do you know how many forms I had to fill out just so a 12 and 14 year old could go to school? No one should have to write out their signature that many times in a month. It’s inhuman. I tell you: we did not know what we were getting into when we agreed to raise two teenagers. And maybe we didn’t raise them. I mean, other than agreeing to train Sandra, what have I ever taught those kids? They came to me pre-loaded with a mind full of ideas and habits that I never nurtured or broke. So yes, I think lack of experience lead to me and James becoming poor parental figures for our children.

But fuck it; I’ve only got a few months left of being a parental guardian then I can wipe my hands of this guilt that I’m suddenly feeling. Whatever happens to Jason, it’s too late to fix it.

Wow. Am I really that cold and unfeeling? I mean towards people I actually care about?

You know what I need? I need a vacation; recharge my batteries and get away from everything. I realized the other day that I haven’t left the country in years.

Years!

I don’t remember ever taking the kids on a vacation. Is that normal? To just…not ever leave? It didn’t seem strange until I actually started thinking about it. I’m going to start looking at destinations on my lunch break today.

Any recommendations? I’m thinking…heat.

Maybe I can steam the apathy out of me.

In any case, I have nothing else to report. This week has gone so quickly because absolutely nothing interesting has happened. I made a few kills, nothing special. Work is monotonous and only made excruciating by Heather’s mouth. Nothing special.

Just a normal week.

I really shouldn’t complain. All the shit that my family has gone thought; we deserve a break.

A tropical break.

Mmm…

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Review of Cogling

CONTAINS MINOR SPOILERS

I picked up Cogling in the wake of finishing Treasure Darkly by the same author, Jordan Elizabeth, anxious to see what else she had to offer. I was not disappointed.

When fifteen-year-old Edna Mather tears an expensive and unfamiliar pocket watch off her little brother’s neck, he crumbles into a pile of cogs right before her eyes. Horrified, Edna flees for help, but encounters Ike, a thief who attempts to steal the watch before he realizes what it is: a device to power Coglings—clockwork changelings left in place of stolen children who have been forced to work in factories.

Desperate to rescue her brother, Edna sets off across the kingdom to the hags’ swamp, with Ike in tow. There, they learn Coglings are also replacing nobility so the hags can stage a rebellion and rule over humanity. Edna and Ike must stop the revolt, but the populace believes hags are helpful godmothers and healers. No one wants to believe a lowly servant and a thief, especially when Ike has secrets that label them both as traitors.

Together, Edna and Ike must make the kingdom trust them or stop the hags themselves, even if Ike is forced to embrace his dark heritage and Edna must surrender her family.

%^%^%^%^%^%^%^%^%^%^%^%^%^%^%^%^%^%^%^%^%^ 

Your Mid-Week Update for 03/16/16

For those of you wondering about James’ reaction to Charlotte and all she entails, he was livid at first. He is firmly in the “no one left behind” camp. I think he was genuinely shocked that I let her walk away and I don’t blame him. Charlotte is either an exception or an omen. I’d hate to think that she…

She didn’t make me soft. She made me empathetic. While most people deserve to die, I don’t think everyone does. Charlotte’s been through enough and after thinking about it all week, I feel confident in my decision. The Westburns are out of our lives – for however long the peace lasts – which means we can all start over.

Which means, just this once, I’m ignoring my husband’s wishes for murder. I think he’s wrong: I don’t think Charlotte is a threat to us. I’m not going to make a habit of letting people go when they know too much but I trust her. So this family is going to move on. Find new drama to take over our lives.

Speaking of drama. Jason has been very existential and mature lately. It’s scaring me. He’s up and ready hours before he has to leave for school. He’s printed off dozens of resumes and he’s already set up three interviews for next week. He told me that he sent out applications to local colleges, planning to study “Information Technology with a focus in Computer Systems.” I’m quoting him because I don’t actually understand what that major entails other than maintaining computer systems (not the software but the product itself). I am trying to pay attention to Jason’s interests but when he gets excited, he rambles and I can’t follow his train of thought.

I also realized how bad I have been at paying attention to his life. I remember posting a few months ago that my son was in Grade 11; he’s in Grade 12. Holy shit. Not only am I getting old but I can’t remember simple details about my child. The girlfriend that he almost got pregnant a month ago? Not the girl I was thinking of. Apparently they broke up before his school year even started and I posted about it but promptly forgot that little tidbit. This new girl – Sara – is someone he’s known since junior high but they only started dating after she “comforted” him over the summer. That boy. My boy.

He’s had ADD for almost a year now. I didn’t get him any medication because I always thought that pills were weak (at least they make me feel weak) and he’s been doing fine without it. But this past week, he’s been hyper-focused on his studies and his future. He’s been so serious. I’d think it was drugs but that’s not him – at least I hope not. I think Sara really scared him. I think something finally clicked for him. I guess I shouldn’t jinx it but I’m excited; anxious for my son’s future. He graduates in a few months. I wonder where his life’s going. I hope that I can still be there despite my apparent inability to retain information about him.

Have I been a bad mother to him?

I just…I have nothing in common with him. I can’t connect with him. Everything he tells me just goes right out the other ear. I don’t know what I’m going to do with him.

I’m just a horrible mother to him. Does he even need a mother at this point? I mean he turns 18 in May, what does he need after that?

Maybe he’ll fix his own life, get his shit together without me. One can only hope.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Review of Treasure Darkly

Seventeen-year-old Clark Treasure assumes the drink he stole off the captain is absinthe… until the chemicals in the liquid give him the ability to awaken the dead.

A great invention for creating perfect soldiers, yes, but Clark wants to live as a miner, not a slave to the army—or the deceased. On the run, Clark turns to his estranged, mining tycoon father for help. The Treasures welcome Clark with open arms, so he jumps at the chance to help them protect their ranch against Senator Horan, a man who hates anyone more powerful than he.

Sixteen-year-old Amethyst Treasure loathes the idea of spending the summer away from her bustling city life to rot on her father’s ranch, but when a handsome young man shows up claiming to be her secret half-brother, her curiosity is piqued. He’s clever, street smart, and has no qualms jumping into the brawl between the Treasures and Horans. Caught in the middle, Horan kidnaps Amethyst, and all she gets is this lousy bullet through her heart.

When Clark brings her back to life, however, the real action starts, and Amethyst joins him in his fight against the Horan clan—whatever the cost. Defeating the Horans may seem easy at first, but going up against men with the same fighting vengeance as Clark, and a Senator with power he’s obtained by brainwashing the masses?

Well, Amethyst’s boring summer at home has turned into an adventure on the run, chock full of intrigue, danger, love, and a mysterious boy named Clark.

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Your Mid-Week Update for 03/09/16

I have no idea what just happened. I think I’m still processing. I just…

What?

At 6am this morning, I awoke to someone vigorously ringing my doorbell. Seriously; who rings the doorbell at 6am? People who wake me up when I don’t want to be up usually end up carrying their spleen in their hands but I stumbled to the front door, knife behind my back, ready to take on the world.

Charlotte was standing there but I almost didn’t recognize her. She’d gotten her hair cut and dyed. What used to be long, blonde, and ratty is now bobbed and fiery red. And she’d finally changed her outfit into a nice blue summer dress. Even though it was 6am on a morning in March. She looked good. She looked sane. And sober.

Like I said, I barely recognized her.

She seemed shy and nervous, playing with her fingernails and barely making eye contact. I’ve known Charlotte to be quiet and unsure but never shy. Rarely nervous – except around her late husband. So when she spoke in this anxious, apologetic tone, I was stunned.

She said she figured out what happened to her husband. She knows that I killed him. She doesn’t know how I did it and she doesn’t want details but she knows what I did. I was too shocked to say anything other than “uhhhhh…..” but she smiled and said I didn’t need to worry about anything. She had no interest in turning me in or stopping me. In fact she came to thank me.

That’s not usually the response I expect when wives lose their husband to me but that was…that was all she would say on the matter. She said she’s moving overseas – leaving this afternoon – so she can make a complete fresh start. She’s probably not coming back. I don’t blame her.

There’s a lot of history here and if I could, I’d run away, too. Instead I did something incredibly stupid. Reckless, and stupid, and I almost don’t regret it.

I confessed to Charlotte.

I told her that I’d killed other men, other women; some teenagers but never children. I kill because I need to, not because I’m protecting someone or because I think my victims deserve it. But Daniel was special. It was personal. He killed my daughter so I made him suffer. God, just reliving it now, I seem so desperate for her approval. I’m not, or I shouldn’t be. But that’s how I sounded. Like I was apologizing for killing Daniel. I’ll never get so low that I apologize for killing Daniel.

Charlotte smiled and said she would keep my secret and then she just walked away. And just like that, the Westburns were gone from my life (perhaps for good). It felt like the end of an era. Those two have haunted my life for the last year and a half. I don't know what I'll do without them causing chaos and mayhem in my life. Hence my shock. I haven’t told James yet – he just woke up. This happened an hour ago and I’m in shock.

Charlotte’s gone, she knows my secret. And I’m almost okay with it.

What the fuck?

Every plan I ever had to kill her is out the window. I should want her gone even more now but for some reason, this is the better option: letting her live with some peace of mind. That’s all I ever wanted for Charlotte. I should be happy or homicidal or some other “h” descriptive word but I’m honestly not sure how I feel about having her out in the world, knowing my secret. The only people who know my other life outside of my family are dead. No question about it. So having someone, even Charlotte, out there in the world is the most dangerous and reckless thing I’ve ever done. I’m sure James will agree but I’ll let you know next week.

Maybe I shouldn’t have let her walk away. Maybe I shouldn’t have told her the truth. I survive by being paranoid – but not too paranoid, I remember what happened two summers ago – and thinking the worst of people. For whatever reason, I could never do that with Charlotte. I always assumed that she would remain good and sweet and innocent despite what life threw at her. Now I’m not sure I can trust that.

What do you think?

I’ve still got some time before Charlotte leaves. Do you think I should let her? I’m not only letting my secret go with her but I’m also losing one of my closest, if not my best friend.

She seemed happy – at least at peace. That counts for something right?

I need to go back to bed. Things will look better after a morning nap.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Review of Immortal's Spring

Sophie Darrow said yes once to a young man offering a realm of Greek gods and immortality. Now her home has been shattered, and her friends and family pulled along with her as they run from an evil cult and take shelter in the gloomy Underworld. But remembering the life of the original immortals long ago--Persephone, Hades, Hekate, Hermes, and more--may be their key to victory, as well as happiness.

In ancient times too, the murderous cult Thanatos attacked and destroyed nearly all the Greek immortals who sought to bring good to humankind. But those immortals planted seeds in both their realm and ours to ensure their season would someday bloom again. And spring is finally coming.

Your Mid-Week Update for 03/02/16

This past week was dedicated to research. I’ve killed a lot of people in my time, and I’ve generally enjoyed my experiences, but this week was about experimentation. Clinical study.

For example: did you know that about half a bottle of nail polish remover ingested at once is enough to put someone into a coma? I thought about doing that to Charlotte. Just poisoning her and leaving her for a few days before her body’s discovered, then letting her live her life as a vegetable. Even if she did wake up, it’s doubtful she’d go right back to hunting for her husband’s killer. I’d be in the clear. But I couldn’t do that to Charlotte. I don’t want her to suffer.

Another option is always stabbing. But where and with what weapon? The fastest way to kill someone from a knife wound – or any sharp object – is by slicing the aorta and pumping the blood to help shock and blood pressure win out over consciousness and the will to live. But I still can’t do that to Charlotte. It’s so messy. And her heart’s been through enough, I think. Whatever it is, that girl’s gotten under my skin.

Electrocutions, falls, drowning, they all take too long and will hurt her too much. I’ve got to find a way to get to her quick and easy without seriously hurting her. While still killing her.

My feelings are complicated.

I know that I have to kill her. I have resolved that she will die at my hands in order to keep her from discovering the truth. This is fact.

But that doesn’t mean I have to like it, right?

Asphyxiation could be an option. It can take a while but if she’s asleep it will be relatively painless and…she won’t know it’s me.

I think that’s why she’s getting in my head.

Charlotte confided in me a lot while she and Daniel were still together. She also didn’t have a lot of girlfriends or people that she could trust. I mean, she has her brother who was very supportive when she moved out but I suspect this downward spiral she’s on has alienated the last of her family connections.

Did you know she was the one who convinced Daniel to become a private investigator? The man drank himself out of the police academy after getting his degree in criminal law and instead of kicking his sorry ass out the door, she convinced him to use his skills to go into the private sector.

And you see where that’s gotten us.

Maybe if I came at her from behind and strangled her, she wouldn’t know it was me. Make it look like an accident.

I shouldn’t be hesitating like this; it should be just like any other kill. Like any of the 14 kills I’ve committed this week. Do you know how risky that is? To have that many victims on the nightly news in such a short period of time? I could get caught for just thinking of killing Charlotte.

James actually scolded me for being so careless. He’s been working overtime to make sure my tracks are covered on these cases but he doesn’t know if it’s a good idea to kill Charlotte anymore.

He was all for it when it meant protecting us from a woman who no one would miss but now he’s hesitating. That’s not good. As careless as I may get by throwing so many bodies out there, you get caught when you hesitate and second guess decisions you know are for the best. I know he’s trying to look out for me but…

But…

What if I went in the opposite direction? What if I killed so many people, Charlotte included, that the police wouldn’t know where to start, let alone follow Charlotte’s trail. They’ve yet to look at me as a serial killer but they’d never think of me as a mass murderer. That’s a completely different MO. They won’t be looking for the 9 to 5 woman with a loving husband and child. And if I’m focused on killing a dozen people at once, I won’t be thinking about Charlotte in particular.

This could work.

I’ll have a chat with James when he gets home to see if he has any insight, but I like this idea. And it’s new. I’ve never killed more than two people at once because public outcry for mass murder is far louder than it is for the death of a few strangers. There’s a lot of unexplored territory here. This could be fun.

As fun as killing your best friend can be, I guess.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe