Your Mid-Week Update for 11/09/16

In my 20+ years of violently interacting with humanity I’ve survived with a minimal amount of scrapes and bruises. I had an injury-free childhood. The occasional swimming lesson and playground antics were hardly cause for a trip to the hospital.

I think the worst I ever had it was when I was 7 or 8. I fell backwards off the monkey bars and hit my head on a metal railing. I regained consciousness just as the ambulance arrived at the hospital and I had to stay overnight for observation but I was completely fine, except for a small bruise on my neck that lasted for a month. My mother never let me go back to that playground. We had to walk an extra ten blocks just to find another one – and the swing set sucked.

For the first few years of my career shift into murder, I made more than a few anonymous trips to the emergency room but nothing that ever left a scar. My left leg is still sore after that car accident a year and a half ago. And then there was the gash on my hand that I totally blame on Heather. That one left some definite scarring but it still healed fairly quickly. Not to mention the thumb that I absolutely dislocated – or at least severely bruised – over the summer.

Nothing compares to this.

I was released from the hospital within two weeks of being admitted and the doctors say I’m healing well, but there’s this stinging pain in my side constantly. And…I can admit to you, dear readers, that I’ve developed this reflex lately. Any time someone passes me on my side, I flinch; and I get this shiver up my spine. I freeze.

I know it’s just an instinctual reaction – my body protecting me from getting hurt again – but it’s an annoying feeling. Like I’m out of control. I can’t wait for my body to heal properly so I can move on.

In the meantime, I’m back at work, showing off my scar and accepting sympathy visits from all my coworkers. I’m killing, thought slightly less so as to not reopen my stitches, and I’ve decided to keep up the serial killer gimmick but cut it back to once or twice a month. Just, whenever I get bored.

I can feel the holidays winding up after Halloween which means snow, and stress, and crowds of people. I’d better be healed by the time things really get started. Christmas shopping is one of my favourite times to do a little snatch and grab kill. Robberies, car jackings, accidents. The crowds make it so easy.

I’ve still got a few weeks to properly heal. It better heal quickly.

I’m through with the myriad of injuries I’ve endured this past year. It’s time to move on.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe