Your Mid-Week Update for 07/26/17

You’ll be happy to know I opted to confront my husband verbally about his emotional avoidance. At first. It quickly escalated into a physical altercation. We had a tussle in the bedroom on Thursday night and not in a fun way. I told you: if he won’t talk to me, he’ll need to be punished. Really, it was just a lot of shouting and shoving each other around until I pinned him on the floor and he calmed down.

We talked it out, properly. Whenever he tried to deflect I would just kick him in the shins and he did the same for me – like we were children developing communication skills. But it worked; we got it all out in the open and left nothing to misinterpretation. I won’t go into everything we talked about. There are probably some things I should keep private in this family.

I had to give Jason a proper explanation the next morning – I could see a few uncomfortable looks at the breakfast table. I promised I would be completely open and honest if he asked me but I wouldn’t share everything with him. He is my son, not a sounding board; that’s what I have my dear readers for.

Jason’s doing all right, by the way. Has a steady girlfriend, job he’s not in love with but goes to five days a week. By all accounts he’s happy and healthy. I’m more than okay with the fact that he’s thriving without my guidance; but I sometimes feel we don’t have anything to talk about. We don’t talk about my work, James’ work, or family – I stopped asking about Jason’s work when I kept getting the same nonchalant response. These days I barely tell him when he might be in danger because of my actions.

I wanted to share this situation with him as a bridge to open communication. Reaching out to Jason on occasion won’t kill us. It may do us both some good.

And that’s where we are this week: a little tired and bruised but lighter.

I’m glad I talked to my husband first. Who knew communication was so essential to a marriage. That’s a forced joke, I know. Sometimes I don’t know how to end an update. I just keep writing until it feels right even if I have nothing left to say. Like now. I don’t know what else to say but I haven’t quite found the urge to end this update.

Just do it.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Your Mid-Week Update for 07/19/17

This vigilante murder is harder than it seems. I forgot that the bulk of humanity is drawn to drama in some form or other. When the average person is killed, the news travels for a day – maybe a week if it was sensational in any way. But the only people who are invested in the subsequent investigation are the family members. When someone horrible is declared missing or found murdered, people want to know why. It’s purely selfish, you see. They want to know if they’re safe. If someone is bold and cruel enough to kill someone who can fight back, what’s to stop them from harming innocent people? That’s why I like killing innocents. There’s not enough public outcry.

It's easy enough to find a victim who has it coming – James has a whole pile on his desk at work and it’s easy enough to keep him distracted. Choosing a way to kill them is just entertaining – this time I chose asphyxiation with a mechanical pencil. Not too gruesome which I hoped would keep the news to a minimum.

I made national news, everyone. It’s been a few years since I made national news. What I thought was a simple gang member prone to violence turned out to be the illegitimate son of a billionaire who issued a reward for any information on the death of his son. The entire city is under scrutiny.

When James found out he was…upset that I’d put myself in danger. I’ve never heard him so sexist. “You’re my wife, I need to protect you.” I think that standoff a few weeks ago affected him more than he let on. I don’t blame him. But if he calls me “his wife” in that pathetic manly tone one more time I will stab him. Nothing that will leave permanent damage but just enough to teach him a lesson. I don’t care if he’s traumatized; if he won’t handle it on his own and he won’t ask for help, then he’ll need to be punished.

I don’t handle crises well. Can you tell? My personal problems are my own but when it comes to others – especially my loved ones – I’m never quite sure if they need discipline, love, patience, or a quick kick in the ass. It’s a bit of trial and error. I’m amazed my boys aren’t more screwed up than they already are.  The immutable power of the human spirit. Or something like that.

My boys are stronger than they seem and I need to trust them. No matter what I do to them. I just hope he talks to me soon. I can’t be held responsible for what I might do if he keeps up this need to take control.

All I did was kill a gang member and make national news, exposing myself to the authorities. What’s so wrong with that?

Alright…I see his point. But I had good intentions and he has no right to speak to me that way.

I suppose I’ll talk to him tonight. Before resorting to stabbing.

Boring.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Your Mid-Week Update for 07/12/17

I apologize if my post last week seemed a little overdramatic. I wasn’t in the best emotional state when I found out that my husband might die and in hindsight, writing an update 10 minutes after getting a phone call like that was probably not the best idea. I apologize.

You’ll be happy to hear that James is home safe and sound. Well, relatively safe. He has some superficial wounds on his hands and arms, and the doctor says he’ll have a scar on his left eyebrow – which I find rather dashing – but he’s okay.

I went down to the sight after I published the update and stood as close as they’d let me. I couldn’t do anything but it was better than sitting around waiting. They asked me questions about James – his personality – whether or not he’d try and “play hero”. They didn’t say those exact words but that was the implication. They wanted to know if he’d do something stupid. I told them they had nothing to worry about. That might have been a lie; I had no idea if James had experience in hostage negation or whether he’d keep a cool head in these situations. I know how he is in stressful situations – like living with me – but this was a different world. Not my world.

Two hours of standing and waiting while police worked around me. Then suddenly the door opened and James was ushered out with a gun pointed at his head. After that, it was over in maybe five minutes. The kidnappers were subdued, James was taken to safety, and everyone was safe. He was a hero – at least in a small world, for ten minutes. He got everyone out alive.

He’s been at home recovering since then. I’m told he has a few more meetings before he’s cleared for active duty and I hope that this finally means a promotion. He laid his life on the line and came out a winner. According to one of his fellow officers, he just talked his way out. He talked with the kidnappers until they did what he wanted.

Apparently I could learn a thing or two from my husband. He’s been taking it all fairly well. He says he doesn’t want to talk about what happened beyond what’s necessary. I can understand that. I imagine he’s had to repeat his story a lot. I’m respecting that; which means I’ve made several phone calls to his station and spoken with his coworkers to get the whole picture.

My husband is a wonder.

As overdramatic as I was last week I meant what I said. I didn’t realize how much I…loved my husband until I was faced with the notion that I might not see him again. I couldn’t bear it – I now know I couldn’t – which means I am now more motivated than ever to protect him. I can’t just kill for fun now; I need to help him keep the streets safe. We’re a partnership in all ways. He’s always helped me so it’s my turn to help him.

I’m introducing my own brand of vigilantism. It’s really just strategic murder. Which is a step up from what I was doing before. I suppose.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Your Mid-Week Update for 07/05/17

I’m so sorry, dear readers, I can’t focus on an update right now.

Um…

I got a call from James’ captain ten minutes ago.

He was on patrol last night and stumbled onto a robbery in progress which quickly turned into a hostage situation. He saved all of the hostages…

By exchanging his own life.

He’s been held captive since about 10 last night. They’ve been in negotiations since 1. At first they “didn’t want to worry me” but now they don’t know what will happen next. The captors aren’t responding and the police don’t know what to expect if they go in. They said it might not end well.

I’m writing this now so you understand; if I don’t update next week, I’ve died.

I have never been so scared in my entire life.

I married James because it was convenient and I genuinely liked him and he LOVED me. Beyond reason. Years ago, my like turned to love and it became a strange, passionate love.

Like it was written.

I couldn’t do this without him.

Oh god.

Jason. I have to tell him.

Be safe.