Detective
Watts: the great man of subtlety, has made another appearance on my doorstep this
weekend. This time, James answered the door and shook his hand like they were
old friends.
Oh wait,
they are!
A little
detail my husband neglected to tell me about, he and “Gary” are friends from
high school. James invited him over when he heard that his old buddy was back
in town, not knowing about the detective’s interest in my case – an issue I
quickly resolved. Gary told me
he hoped there weren’t any hard feelings between us and tried to shake my hand
as well.
I was having none of that shit but I played the kind and
quiet hostess for about half an hour before I just left them to their own
devices.
Men.
But Gary didn’t bring up my case or any part of the
investigation to James so I think – at least where the two of them are concerned
– he genuinely wants a friendship with my husband. I say let him; as long as it
doesn’t get in our way, I’m fine. James could use some more guy friends. Not
that I’m in any position to judge.
I generally dislike all people so friends are out of the
question – although I will say that Heather and I still go out for lunch or
drinks every few weeks and it’s nice to have someone to talk to without feeling
this constant need to hide my feelings.
Unlike when
I’m with the rest of the world and I have to restrain from killing every other
person I see on the street. It usually ends up being 1 in 10.
Humans are
just so hard to read – even more so when they’re family, I find. I have no idea
what Jason has been up to lately. He put a bunch of garbage bags outside his
room this weekend – said he was “spring cleaning”. I know what temporary body
bags look like but that wasn’t what this was. He’s got something planned. I don’t
know what, but I’m worried about him. Perhaps he still hasn’t come to terms
with what I do. He wouldn’t threaten me or my lifestyle but…maybe he would.
…
I would
never hurt my son. But I’ve never had to choose before. Could I choose? Between
the life I lead and the life I’ve cultivated? The kids were never meant to know
what I do – or what my sister does for that matter; that all went out the
window when she got arrested. They heard everything: every little detail about the
type of person she was – is. It was like watching the light leave a person’s
eyes except I cared about what they felt. It broke both their hearts to learn
the truth and I vowed they would never learn the truth about me. If they couldn’t
accept it, then they didn’t need to know.
And then everything
happened with Sandra and it came crashing down again. She was my last hope that
these kids would turn out all right. Without his sister’s guidance and
protection, I wonder about the type of man Jason is becoming. I haven’t been
there much and neither has James. Who does he have in his life? And who will he
turn to when a real crisis arrives?
As always,
dear readers,
Stay Safe
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