Detective
Watts: the human embodiment of a yawn, has actually become manageable. I was
expecting to have killed him by now but James somehow managed to get him off my
back. He still comes around for dinner every once in a while, but we never
discuss – what he doesn’t realize is – my case. In fact, the last time I heard
them talk about it, he agreed that there was nothing to be done until new
evidence surfaced.
It’s so rare
that I encounter a police officer who has a healthy relationship with their
job. It seems like that’s all we see in fiction – because “by the book” isn’t
as engaging as “handsome rogue” and I know that’s true because I married one –
but really, the mavericks are severely outnumbered. For that, Gary gets a pass;
that does not make him any less boring. I swear, it’s like talking to the real-life
version of mashed potatoes. Fine; but so bland. Remember in high school how you
sometimes had that one really plain friend so you’d always look cooler by
comparison? It’s the same reason bridesmaid’s dresses are stereotypically unflattering.
If there were a male equivalent, this would be it.
I suppose I’m
not one to comment on odd friendships. Mary, the woman I’m planning to kill in
the next year or so, she invited me over for dinner this week. It wasn’t
sudden, mind you; we’ve been meeting for lunch and exchanging text messages. We’ve
almost friended each other on social media. Things are moving along nicely. What
I’m most looking forward to is seeing her home for the first time from the
inside. I’ve scoped out the location a few times incase I needed to move my
timeline up but now I have permission to enter her home which I hear the
justice system is partial to.
If only
they knew about all the other shit I pull. For example: arson. Weren’t what you
were expecting, was it. In my years as a serial killer, I’ve ignited several
fires. I know others enjoy it for other reasons but for me, arson has always
been a means to an end. Namely a way to dispose of a body I’ve just stabbed
thirteen times.
I know that
it’s not uncommon to find a body or body parts in suspiciously lit fires but
what about leaving the gas on and lighting a match? Or semi-spontaneous
combustion during an intense storm. Fire is more trouble than it’s worth 90% of
the time so you have to pick your battles. Like last week: the ground is now
soft enough that I could burry a body pretty much anywhere I wanted BUT this
man would definitely be missed and a search party would definitely go out for
him. It was actually better to just completely get rid of his body and thus:
fire.
Like I said,
fire is not always the best option but when it is, the smell of burning flesh
is not as fun as a campfire, let me tell you. You’ve got to really need/want
it.
As always,
dear readers,
Stay Safe
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