I’ve been
thinking a lot about poisons.
For
centuries it’s been considered the “women’s” tool for murder, considered clean
and tidy, devoid of the pure violence involved in killing someone with your bare
hands. To that I say: bullshit.
Poison is
messy. It’s dirty and cold. It is by no means a coward’s way out and the men
who say that it’s only for women are wrong and just too scared to actually work
hard at their murder. Poison takes careful planning and an iron will. You can’t
claim to accidentally lace the soup with arsenic. You can’t claim self-defense.
You must stand up to the world and proudly declare that you would rather
society didn’t exist without this one person.
That being
said, historically, poison – and in particular arsenic – has been used almost
exclusively by female serial killers.
Every time
I have the idea to poison a victim, I spend hours contemplating if I should
because it would feel like a step back for feminism and the divide between male
and female killers. I don’t want to contribute to the stereotyping and misogyny
of my fellow women. But I also don’t want to censor or stifle myself because I’m
worried about society will think of my choices. I want the freedom to do what I
want – even something traditionally feminine without feeling like my every move
is being scrutinized.
Do you see
my dilemma?
I want to
call myself a feminist, but I also constantly question my actions and whether
my moves are motivated by pure desire or a desire to move away from
stereotypes.
Killing in
general is considered a masculine act anyways- the act of destroying – the act
of tearing things apart with your bare hands or otherwise spilling blood. This doesn’t
take into account the murder that doesn’t involve loin cloths and guns and
otherwise bloody messes. And why is blood considered masculine anyways? Bleeding
is very much a feminine thing.
I remember
seeing some joke about how more women get away with murder because thy are
better and getting blood out of things – at least I think it was a joke – I don’t
know how accurate those statistics would be. But honestly? Yeah. I got really
good at scrubbing out blood from my clothes long before I started killing. It’s
made my job a lot easier.
The point I’m
trying to make is that killing of any kind – not just poison – is not a men’s
game. It is very much a feminine action to deal with the life of another being.
Destruction may be considered masculine, but women are much better at it.
Should we
even be considering “acts” masculine or feminine? They are actions that anyone
is capable of – here’s just some societal stigma around one person or the other
committing those actions.
Why am I so
preachy today?
I guess I
spent a lot longer than I realized worrying about whether to poison this woman
in the coffee shop. I started thinking about it and even as I dropped the rat
poison in, I still wondered if it was too cliché to use poison as my weapon of
choice.
But you know
what? It shouldn’t matter. I want the freedom to kill people however I want,
and I will damn well do what I please.
I feel a
lot better getting all that off my chest. Thanks for listening to my rant. I
know you don’t have a lot of options when it comes to learning about the inner
workings of a serial killer, but I appreciate your readership nonetheless.
As always,
dear readers,
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