I had to
look up what I posted last week because I could not remember writing anything.
It turns out that was for the best. Certainly, you all deserve an update but
sometimes, there isn’t enough content in the world to make up for the shit I
write. Please remember that I am human (despite all other statements to the
contrary) and sometimes things happen. I’m feeling much more lucid now and am
back to killing random people on the street thanks to what will hopefully be
the official entrance of winter. At least then I can justify all of the Christmas
music that has been in my head lately.
The
holidays are not the most festive time in our household but there’s something
about this year that just feels lighter. Also, I normally hate – and murder –
the people who start celebrating Christmas as soon as Halloween is over, I feel
like having something nice and traditional and uplifting to look forward to
would be really nice. Even if it is excessively early.
I’m not
like Heather who gets her decorations out on November 1st, but I won’t
necessarily skip the upbeat popped out festive tunes when they come on the
radio…or when I specifically turn them on.
I just
think, maybe, we need little extra dose of cheer in our lives as the year draws
to a close. Yes, that’s a bit optimistic for a serial killer but even I’m not
heartless. I’ve rendered other people heartless (by ripping out said hearts,
you get the picture) but at the end of the day, I gotta live here too. I don’t
have the same death wish “fuck it” attitude I once had. I am actively existing with
a family and friends in a world that is not very forgiving – least of all by
me. I can’t begrudge people their small joys.
At least I’m
going to try not to. Sometimes what brings me joy is taking joy from others.
And my happiness comes first above all else (except for my husband and son of
course).
Look at me.
Making exceptions for people just because I love them.
Have I
become soft lately? Should I go back to hating without conscience and screw the
consequences? Honestly, I think all that changed with Sandra and I don’t want
to go back. Even being a little more cautious in the life I lead makes me sleep
easier. Except for the past few weeks.
I wasn’t
joking on Halloween: there is someone following me. I can feel it. I haven’t
seen anyone since that first time, but I can hear movement in my house when I
know I’m alone. I can feel eyes on me when out on the street. I’m not crazy. I
just want to know if they are. I can’t handle another Daniel situation.
Can I have
a month of peace from the other bad guys in the world? Just one month when some
drama or other isn’t threatening me and my family. Just me, my husband, my son,
and some murder. Is that so much to ask for?
As always,
dear readers,
Stay Safe
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