Your Mid-Week Update for 11/21/18

There’s no magic left in the world. Or hard-working people who understand what it is to look out for your fellow man. What happened to the days of opening the door for someone so I could surprise and kill them? Or the helping someone in need cross the street so I can lure them away from public eyes and kill them? Or saying hello to someone so I can talk them into looking in a dumpster so I can kill them and hide their body?

People just aren’t as polite as they once were. It’s so much harder for me to talk random strangers into coming somewhere secluded with me because they won’t even strike up a conversation. The world just isn’t the way it used to be.

Look at me. I sound like I’m old. And I am. I’m almost exclusively called “ma’am” at the grocery store now. How did this happen? Most nights, I’m in bed before midnight. I do all my killing either during the day or by 11:00. James even got transferred to a day shift so he’s home at more regular hours. We sleep in on Saturdays. Jason is looking at apartments because he’s earning enough at his job while going to school part time. The thought of him leaving is giving me some new form of anxiety where I have nightmares about him leaving and being all alone in the house.

I am empty-nesting. Hard. And it’s making me feel old. I don’t want to feel old. Old people eat dinner at 4:30 and go bowling on weekday nights and complain about how everything was better when people were segregated. I will not give in to casual racism. I will not be a “ma’am”. I am still young and able and if people are going to be assholes and make it harder to kill them, then I will adapt.

That is my big rant for the day. People suck and I am not getting old.

Also, I just discovered that essential oils are a fun way to poison someone and smell nice while doing it. Most oils are poisonous if ingested – at least, at the doses I’ve been doling out – so I’m having all kinds of fun at the aromatherapy store.

The key is to find joy in the little things. Like how much blood can come from a person’s eye when they’re exsanguinating. Side note: What a great word. Exsanguinating. Feels good to say. Looks wrong to type out. But Google Chrome says I’m right so it must be. God bless internet spell check. What did I do without you? Oh right. Spell horribly all the time. Now it’s only half the time. And you still never correct me. Thanks.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe