Your Mid-Week Update for 12/12/18

I really need to learn more about science and the way the world works if I’m going to continue messing with it the way I am.

I sneezed on a victim the other day and freaked out because I was sure I had left my DNA all over the place. Which I had. But there’s this wonderful thing where you can burn bodies. Makes it difficult to find any evidence you’ve inadvertently left behind. Now you’re probably thinking: but [name redacted], why don’t you just burn all your victims? Then you never have to worry about leaving evidence.

That is called a pattern, boys and girls, and that is how you get caught by the police who aren’t your husband. Over the twenty-something years that I have been a serial killer, I appear on the reddit comprehensive list of serial killers 16 times. I’ve been “caught” 3 times – having framed or otherwise implicated other bad people in my crimes so as to decrease the surplus of murderers in my area. My name has never appeared even in association with that list. You know why? Because I never have a pattern. I experiment with techniques and sometimes create false patterns to test myself and expand my knowledge base but I do not establish a pattern for more than a few kills because patterns are how you get caught.

I think that’s a lesson that can be translated to most other forms of work. Predictability is not as marketable as people seem to think it is. Skill, independence, reliability are all great things; but I cannot stand someone who does things the exact same way every single time. They don’t work for a long time if they do that with me. It’s boring and shows no real innovation.

Sure, the Candy Man may have had the insight to take advantage of anonymous Halloween candy. But he did the same thing to every single child that he poisoned. Of course he was caught – that and practically telegraphing how desperate you were for their life insurance policy but that’s just sloppy work. Anonymity and variety have served me well over the years.

And they will continue to serve me for a long time.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe