Your Mid-Week Update for 06/26/19

I'm back in the city. We briefly drove past the house and there was a police notice on the door that had clearly been opened. Beyond that, there were no other signs of life on the block.

I called my sister from a prepaid cell phone and she updated me on everything that had been happening since we last spoke. Jason had another hearing after paying bail but he never arrived. In fact, she hasn't heard from him in weeks. The police have a warrant out for his arrest and James and I have been added to the list. They think Jason killed the politician and we helped cover it up.

Curiously, there was no mention of the house or any evidence they may have found there. Though I've spent years covering my tracks, it's a lot harder to hide your true self at home. If they searched the house - which they clearly did - then they found something. But they only want us for one murder. It doesn't make sense.

I don't want to be arrested for the 500+ people I've killed but I certainly would like an explanation as to why they don't want to arrest me. I was so sure this was the end but it just...isn't.

But we're back now and with or without Jason, I still plan on framing Charlotte so this can all be over. She's going to die tonight.

I'm going to pour bleach down her throat - just enough to make her sick but not kill her. I'm going to peel up her fingernails but not remove them and then I'm going to sprinkle salt and vinegar over them. I'm going to slice her Achilles tendon, gather the blood in a cup and make her drink it. I'm going to lay her in a tub, pour in gasoline and light a match.I'm going to make her suffer for what she did.

Except I can't. Because I still need her to clear my family's name and in order to do that, it has to look like a suicide. Maybe she drinks a little too much bleach and I simply fantasize about hearing her scream and beg for her life. I hope it will be enough. Knowing that her death will bring my family back together will have to be enough.

I wish I knew were Jason was. I wish I knew if he was safe. I wish he knew he wasn't alone. I wish this would be all over soon.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Your Mid-Week Update for 06/19/19

Here's the thing: I LOVE dismemberment. I have long outgrow  my desire for cleanliness and am slowly developing a fondness for the physical satisfaction of murder. Actually digging into a victim; all the senses are engaged. You see it, you hear it, you feel it. You can smell their blood under your fingernails for days afterwards. You taste the splatter on your tongue as you dig in deeper. It's cathartic. Especially now.

But I may have gone too far on this one.

I have been so in edge lately. We're still a few days' drive from Jason and I haven't been able to get a hold of him or my sister. I've tried a number of times now and nothing. I don't dare leave a message but finding phone booths and kind strangers with unlimited plans are harder and harder to find as we get closer to major urban areas. I just want him to know that he isn't alone and we didn't abandon him.

I'm still dragging Charlotte around because I know how to make her pay (finally). She is going to take the fall for everything. And then she is going to be out of our lives forever.

It's easy enough to collect DNA to tie her to various crimes. Forging her handwriting is child's play. And I have spent years perfecting the art of "apparent suicide". She is going to help me get my family back whether she likes it or not.

All that's left to do is wait for the right time.

James is on board as is, surprisingly, Casey. I've tried my best to exclude her from direct conversations of jail-worthy offenses but this time, she stepped up and gave her consent to kill Charlotte. She wants this to be over and of that's how it ends then that's how it must be.

I must say, I'm relieved. I don't need her support and it certainly won't change anything but I'm glad that she's on board. It makes things so much easier. Especially with what the next few months will involve: questions.

A lot of questions that don't have answers yet but they will. Having all parties on the same page is crutial.

So now that everyone is on board and the potential serial killer is MIA, I thought I would blow off some steam with a nice, roadside kill.

James and Casey agreed to watch Charlotte while I went out to a local diner to pick up a victim. It was supposed to be quick and simple; just a way to relieve stress and blow off steam.

When I can back to the motel room several hours later, barely disguising the fact that I was covered in blood, I had come to a disturbing conclusion:

I think I have to give up killing completely. At least for a while.

As much as I love it, as much as I need it, I'm putting my loved ones in danger and clearly I'm losing control.

There was so much blood. Even if she was intact, there was no way to survive that.

I need you to know that I feel no remorse for what I did to her. I will not be kept up late by the sound of her screams as I threw her head against the brick wall, knocking her unconscious. I will not be haunted by the sight of my knife piercing her flesh as I sliced her open from chin to pelvis, cracking her sternum in the process. I will not wonder in horror how I could remove her organs one by one and replace them in a random order. Nor will I marvel at the world's capacity for darkness since I scrapped off her face, her fingertips, her ears, knocked in her teeth, and took her tongue; removing any chance at identification.

What I will regret is how my action put my loved ones in danger.

No more.

If I have to choose between my own desires and my family's lives, I might be making the first good decison in my entire life.

Once Charlotte is gone, I'm going to put away my kitchen knife forever.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Your Mid-Week Update for 06/12/19

We’ve turned around and headed back towards Jason. I still don’t know exactly how we’re going to fix this mess but at least we’ll be together. I’ve only kept up with what’s on the news and know they’re holding back – a rarity for local media and who knows about its accuracy. I need to be there. I haven’t spoken to my sister in weeks. I have no idea what’s happened in my absence. And I’m beginning to hate my socks.

We didn’t exactly have enough time to grab a full wardrobe when we were fleeing for our lives and we hardly have enough cash to rent the motels. We haven’t even paid for every stay.

A few words of wisdom, I’ve learned on this journey: You really should wait to hear the door close before walking away. It is so easy to convince maids and night attendants of poor service. It’s not their fault. They’re just doing their job. And between the serial killer and the serial killer’s husband, we are rather adept at lying about the tiniest of things.

So far, there hasn’t been a murder anywhere near our stops (that wasn’t committed by me) so we may be in the clear for now. Perhaps it was just a random killer passing through but I don’t believe so. There was something about the way that first woman screamed. Terrified of what she was seeing; no hope for survival at all. A sound like that took me years to produce. It’s enough to haunt even my dreams. If I had any.

I barely sleep these days and when I do, I dream of Jason. Of justice. Of slitting Charlotte’s throat slowly. Stitching up her wounds and slicing again, all the way around. I dream of her head sliding off her body as I sever the last connection to her miserable life.

What happened to her? When I murdered her husband and helped her escape to her sister’s she was fine. Grateful and well adjusted. Clinging to life as she struggles to escape her binds in the bathtub I’ve tossed her in once again. Bathtubs do make excellent prisons. Slippery and confining – only one way out and I guard the door. But as much as I dream of her obliteration, I know what punishment is coming to Charlotte:

She has to take the fall for my crimes. For the crimes Jason is accused of. James agrees. Casey doesn’t really speak anymore but I know she’d agree if it meant her freedom as well. Once we’re back in the city, we’ll make a plan to shift the blame to Charlotte. She’ll mysteriously turn up dead and it will all go away.

Hopefully.

All I can do is hope, dear readers. For all I know, I could be caught tomorrow. Or Jason could go to trial without any support. Or a million other things could change. But I have hope that will all work out in the end. Otherwise, what is the point of continuing?

So I hope.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Your Mid-Week Update for 06/05/19

Another motel, another murder. This time it was a staff member. The one who checked us in. On one hand, now they can’t identify us should the police come through. On the other hand, I feel very exposed at the thought of someone getting closer and closer to revealing our location.

At least now I know I’m not crazy. Sure, I haven’t slept, or killed, or eaten in several days but I am not crazy. Someone is after my family. Not just Charlotte. Not just the police.

Someone knows. Someone knows my secret and they know where I am and they are sending a message. But what? And who? And why? And how? At least I know where. They’re following close behind. Wherever we go next, there’ll be another body.

What if we turn around? Would they follow us back? Could we catch them trying to follow too closely? What if it’s time to go back and actually come up with a plan to free Jason. Assess the damage. Find out what the police actually know about me. About us.

I have been killing for 25 years. And I think this is the most terrified I have ever been. I could always face the consequences myself but this time? This time there’s so much at stake. And it won’t just be me who gets hurt.

Oh god. Would I actually turn myself in to protect them? Properly sacrifice myself for my family. Before all this, I don’t know that I would. I don’t think it ever occurred to me. Clearly. Or else my son would be free.

Could I do it? Give it all up? For them?

I love them.

But I don’t know that I would.

I’ve always known I was a monster. It was just never so clear as in this moment.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe