Your Mid-Week Update for 06/19/19

Here's the thing: I LOVE dismemberment. I have long outgrow  my desire for cleanliness and am slowly developing a fondness for the physical satisfaction of murder. Actually digging into a victim; all the senses are engaged. You see it, you hear it, you feel it. You can smell their blood under your fingernails for days afterwards. You taste the splatter on your tongue as you dig in deeper. It's cathartic. Especially now.

But I may have gone too far on this one.

I have been so in edge lately. We're still a few days' drive from Jason and I haven't been able to get a hold of him or my sister. I've tried a number of times now and nothing. I don't dare leave a message but finding phone booths and kind strangers with unlimited plans are harder and harder to find as we get closer to major urban areas. I just want him to know that he isn't alone and we didn't abandon him.

I'm still dragging Charlotte around because I know how to make her pay (finally). She is going to take the fall for everything. And then she is going to be out of our lives forever.

It's easy enough to collect DNA to tie her to various crimes. Forging her handwriting is child's play. And I have spent years perfecting the art of "apparent suicide". She is going to help me get my family back whether she likes it or not.

All that's left to do is wait for the right time.

James is on board as is, surprisingly, Casey. I've tried my best to exclude her from direct conversations of jail-worthy offenses but this time, she stepped up and gave her consent to kill Charlotte. She wants this to be over and of that's how it ends then that's how it must be.

I must say, I'm relieved. I don't need her support and it certainly won't change anything but I'm glad that she's on board. It makes things so much easier. Especially with what the next few months will involve: questions.

A lot of questions that don't have answers yet but they will. Having all parties on the same page is crutial.

So now that everyone is on board and the potential serial killer is MIA, I thought I would blow off some steam with a nice, roadside kill.

James and Casey agreed to watch Charlotte while I went out to a local diner to pick up a victim. It was supposed to be quick and simple; just a way to relieve stress and blow off steam.

When I can back to the motel room several hours later, barely disguising the fact that I was covered in blood, I had come to a disturbing conclusion:

I think I have to give up killing completely. At least for a while.

As much as I love it, as much as I need it, I'm putting my loved ones in danger and clearly I'm losing control.

There was so much blood. Even if she was intact, there was no way to survive that.

I need you to know that I feel no remorse for what I did to her. I will not be kept up late by the sound of her screams as I threw her head against the brick wall, knocking her unconscious. I will not be haunted by the sight of my knife piercing her flesh as I sliced her open from chin to pelvis, cracking her sternum in the process. I will not wonder in horror how I could remove her organs one by one and replace them in a random order. Nor will I marvel at the world's capacity for darkness since I scrapped off her face, her fingertips, her ears, knocked in her teeth, and took her tongue; removing any chance at identification.

What I will regret is how my action put my loved ones in danger.

No more.

If I have to choose between my own desires and my family's lives, I might be making the first good decison in my entire life.

Once Charlotte is gone, I'm going to put away my kitchen knife forever.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe