Your Mid-Week Update for 07/31/19

How To Be A Serial Killer 101:

Don’t Get Caught, Don’t Have a Signature, and Do It Well.

Don’t get caught is the most obvious rule. If you want to do something consistently, you can’t be found doing it poorly. And a huge part of murder is getting away with it. Key things to avoid include security cameras, reliable witnesses, trace DNA like fingerprints and hair, and creating patterns.

Spatial awareness is essential which can be difficult if you enjoy getting swept away with a murder. But you don’t want to slash a throat, then turn around and realize that someone could clearly see you leaving the scene. Know your city well. Know your escape routes, where the cameras area, which businesses close and when. Don’t look like you shouldn’t be there.

Short hair is easier to manage but if you have long hair, make sure it is clean and tied up. You don’t want breakage. Gloves are a must. Short of burning your fingerprints off, it’s the best way to preserve your identity. I like the non-powder medical gloves that you can buy at the pharmacy. Oily fingers will be your downfall. Drink lots of water, avoid oil-based hand moisturizers, and fix your dandruff.

Patterns and “signatures” are dangerous. I understand why other killers have them but I think it is the biggest mistake. Yes, if you have a compulsion to kill that you can’t control and you want to get caught on your own terms: taunt the police, have a strong MO that makes the public fear you. But if you want to do this long term, you have to change it up.

Never the same age, gender, or race in a row. Never the same method of murder in a row. Never the same location in a row. If you circle back to something, make sure you’re not creating a long pattern. I track my kills because I’m confident (sometimes my husband says overconfident) and I’ve been doing this so long that I need to track patterns. Don’t let there be a “cop with fresh eyes” who finds your pattern. Generally, they have a lot more resources than you.

“Doing it well” is a concept that’s a little more difficult to track on a list. Doing it well means being intentional. Never leave the house unless you have a plan. Successful murder is not an improvisation game. And being intentional also involves proper execution of your plan (pun intended). If you want a chaotic, messy kill, then make it messy. If you want a clean, quick murder, then do it. Because a kill that goes wrong is a kill that gets you caught. Be engaged from start to finish. A murder is not just one act, it is an entire event that can last for hours or days.

These are concepts I’m starting to pass on to Casey. I haven’t encouraged her to kill anyone yet but I know that will have to come. I’m curious about being a non-hands-on mentor.

I’m maintaining my resolve to quit murdering. But I’ve collected a fair amount of knowledge over the years and at least I can pass some of it on. See the next generation take countless lives.

It’s the dream.

Well, the dream would be to live in a small town in Italy with my shirtless husband, and murdering daily but no one says anything because we’re some sort of royal crime family.

But this is nice too.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe