And it felt
fucking fantastic to put my creativity to use in a physical, meaningful way. Honestly,
I don’t know why I was so stressed about it before – other than facing the
inevitability of my capture – I need to be doing what I love doing BECAUSE the
world is ending.
Anyways, it
was so fulfilling to just tear into two separate humans, have the power to take
their life and then do it. Follow through and accomplish something. Sure it was
just one couple but the way their eyes…the betrayal as she realized that I had
just stabbed her husband and even though she’d put her trust in me, a stranger,
I was about to do the same to her. Amazing. The chase through the forest was
absolutely worth it to finally pin her against a tree and slash her throat, the
blood splattering everywhere because of how fast our hearts were beating
together.
It was
magical.
I can’t
wait to do it again.
Although, I
do not miss the cleanup. The smell of bleach may feel like home but it is time
consuming and I always end up ruining my favourite clothes.
That’s why
you thrift shop wherever you can. One: cheap clothing you can toss or burn if
you really need to. Two: thrift clothing contains trace evidence of all the
people who’ve worn those clothes before. Plus you can change your wardrobe
every couple of months to keep from creating recognizable patterns.
It all
comes back to recognizable patterns. That is the way to survive. Your routine
can never be stationary. And trust me, I know it can be very frustrating, but
it is the tried and true method that I’ve found. And giving in. That’s the
other survival tactic you can chose to employ: Identify your true self, your
base instincts, and give yourself over to them. I’m starting to realize that it’s
a pretty good way to live. Suppression just makes you miserable and it doesn’t
accomplish anything. Be smart about it, give over completely and you may end up
in prison for the rest of your life. But don’t fight your inner self.
If you want
to kill the hitchhiker, kill the hitchhiker. Just do it right.
Because giving
in feels So. Damn. Good.
As always,
dear readers,
Stay Safe
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