Your Mid-Week Update for 11/27/19

I love Murder. And I love that we live in such a fucked up society that there are hundreds and thousands of people who love murder, too. Differently, but love it. Love talking about it, love researching it, love writing about it. I have an endless source of inspiration and an easy coverup for my Google search history.

Bless My Favourite Murder for being my emotional outlet as I abstain from killing. Oh, I’ve been maiming all week but I have decided to give this kill to Casey. The man in the basement will be her first under my tutelage. It’s fitting, I think.

James was able to walk down to the basement to see him yesterday. He’s on crutches and he’s in a lot of pain. But he got in some good blows with one of the crutches so he seems to be handling it all very well.

God, I’m so tired.

I haven’t been sleeping well. Between taking care of James and, finding extra temporary work, and the man in the basement screaming at all hours of the night, it’s been hard to get a full night’s sleep. We’ve stuck rags in his mouth and taped it shut but we can still hear him sometimes. I wonder if there’s a way to remove his vocal chords but not his windpipe. Wouldn’t want him to stop breathing. I just don’t want him to make a sound anymore.

And I can research that because there are people in this world who love to Google disturbing shit and it’s okay because I listen to podcasts where people talk about the same disturbing shit. I’m sure some killer has torn out internal organs but kept their victim alive. If not, I’m sure someone has posed the “hypothetical” question.

I say “hypothetical” in quotations because there was a time in my career as a serial killer when I would go through Reddit and find those hypothetical murder thought experiments and test them out to see if they would work. Some of them were pretty clever. The one I did with the needle in the eye and plucked out their eyeballs? Got it on the internet.

Crowd sourcing my murder ideas was genius.

I haven’t actually decided if I’m ready for the man in the basement to die but when I am, James knows that Casey will be the one swinging the axes.

Oh, now there’s an idea. We could chop him up. Slowly feed him to neighbourhood dogs and the like. That might be fun. But as this is a family affair, I’ll discuss it with the others to see what they think is the right way for him to die.

I asked James if he was angry at him for the shooting. If he wanted revenge – because if he wanted it, I would give it to him without question. He said he is angry but he always said ‘to be alive to see his family take their vengeance is more than satisfying’. So Casey will have her first kill under my watchful eye. When I decide we’re ready to let go of experimenting on him.

I have to admit, it has been fun to play with him. To see all the different ways I can hurt him. Keep him begging for death but never deliver it. Now that is revenge.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Your Mid-Week Update for 11/20/19

Not much of an update this week.

James is home, recovering. Casey is learning a lot from the torture and mutilation of the man in the basement. I have chosen not to dignify his life with a name – even a fake one for blogging purposes. He doesn’t deserve it.

I know you’re thinking: You’ve encountered so many dangerous and evil men, why is one man who shot a few police officers worth all this trouble. To you I say

Grow the fuck up.

I have room in my heart to murder every bad person in the world. It’ll just take some time. And for a man who hurt my husband, I will clear my schedule. No one gets to hurt my family but me.

I still haven’t heard from Jason. If I get a Christmas card, I’ll be happy. I think about him a lot. Where he is. What he might be doing. If he’s happy. I really hope he’s happy. I miss him. I’m growing to enjoy Casey’s company but of all the children I didn’t give birth to, he was the one I want to reach the most. But I never could.

We are getting melancholy and realistic today.

I had better stop before I head down a rabbit hole I have no intention of approaching on this random Wednesday.

So I am going to go slice off basement man’s ear before I head to work. Maybe that will help.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Your Mid-Week Update for 11/13/19

I love my husband very much. He would do anything for me. And in a world of so much uncertainty, the promise of loyalty is incredibly alluring. We met and married because he wanted to protect me from the world that would destroy me. And I took advantage of that desire. The love came later. But it’s there. And it is overpowering some days. How much one person can love another. How it can eat you alive when they’re lost or hurt. Knowing there is nothing you’re not capable of if someone hurt them.

But the world doesn’t operate on gut instinct and a need for revenge. Things would be very different otherwise.

On Friday, a man stood outside the correctional facility where James works and opened fire. He had an automatic weapon which he purchased after being let go from his job as a cook there. Two officers were killed, three people were injured, and the man got away. It all happened in about ten minutes.

I waited eleven years to get the phone call telling me that my husband wasn’t coming home. And when news came of what had happened and a moment later, my phone rang. I almost didn’t answer it.

My heart broke before I even accepted the call. And that pain became anger at the person who took him from me. I swore – I actually swore – that I would end his life very slowly.

James is alive.

Casey thought I was crazy when my legs gave out and I sat on the floor for rest of the phone call. I was so relieved and barely heard the details.

Injured in the line of duty and at the hospital waiting for surgery.

Not dead.

He’s alive. His leg is pretty mangled but he gets to keep it and I will be with him through every step of his recovery. I didn’t leave his side for four days. I smelled like shit – living in a hospital will do that – and thank god Casey had the forethought to come after school and bring a change of clothes and do her homework in his room.

But then I took her home. James reminded me that I have other responsibilities and my being there would not change anything, but it would do wonders to be there for the young girl at home.

He’s coming home today. The doctors said there’s nothing left to do but recover. He’ll go back for physical therapy and other treatments but he gets to come home. Thank god for government jobs with decent health insurance. We’re not completely paying out of pocket. Completely.

Words cannot describe how happy I am that my husband is alive and safe and coming home to me.

But someone hurt him. Someone hurt the love of my life. Someone has eluded the authorities. That someone is tied up in my basement.

He will die. Slowly. I’m going to bleed him. And when he tries to die, I will save him. So I can do it over again. And then I’m going to let Casey learn how long it takes to drain a body of blood. How much sound proofing is required to drown out the sounds of screaming. How much pressure it takes to sever a finger. And then ten. She will learn how to kill and I will keep him alive as long as possible. He will be a head, loose from its body. Begging for death. And I still won’t grant it.

We’re going to christen the new house with blood.

And it sure as fuck will make me feel better.

As always, dear readers,

Stay out of the basement

Your Mid-Week Update for 11/06/19

Sometimes I have dreams of being a more creative killer. The kind corporate Hollywood makes movies about to appear edgy. The type of person who creates elaborate contraptions and traps to make the most gruesome deaths possible.

It’s less about regret that I’m not a more imaginative murderer, it’s more of an intellectual experiment to see how far I can take it before I have to remind myself that I have a life outside of murder. And bills to pay on top of that. And where on earth would you buy half of that equipment without appearing on a list?

What I occasionally lack in creativity, I make up for in longevity and I am perfectly fine with that.

Though, I realize that my constant boasts about being one of the longest active serial killers in the world may seem a bit of an excuse for a lack of consistency. And you may be right. I’m very proud of my accomplishments but upon reflection and preparation for teaching, I’ve come to realize that there may be some gaps in my resume.

While I’ll never act on my desire to build Rube Goldberg bear trap head gear, I can still ponder the areas of my life that I haven’t really explored. Like creating an entire room that appears to be outside but is really filled with hallucinogenic gas that tricks my victims into believing they’ve escaped, only to continue running in place until they starve to death. They’re running in place because they’re changed to the floor only they don’t realize it because they’ve been drugged.

So I’m not the best at these thought experiments. It’s not my area of expertise. I prefer to exploit people and not objects. They are much easier to manipulate. If you can understand how a person might instinctually behave in a fight, flight, freeze or fawn type of scenario, then you can control the narrative they’re living until they’re easy to kill.

People, individually, are quite trusting. They want to believe in the best of humanity so they force their guard down until the situation presents another way – even if there’s a signal going off in their brain that means danger. They might still be on alert but they won’t start their day believing that everyone is out to kill them. They will wave to the man across the street to gauge this threat level. They’ll keep responding to the stranger at the bar until they can prove that their instincts are true. Because no matter what their instincts are telling them, they want to believe in good.

And there are people like me who exploit that desire for their own gain.

That in and of itself, understanding people at a fundamental level, is a skill that most don’t possess and not one easily taught. But I am endeavoring to teach Casey had to read people. Know whether they will run away, they’ll try to dominate, they’ll lose control, or they’ll try to appeal to that belief in the goodness of the world. Whatever they do, we must be ready.

Because we have those same instincts as well. We might be faced with a conflict and try to resolve it any number of ways. But that conflict – that victim – can never get the better of us.

So above all, we must know ourselves, in order to exploit others.

And that skill takes time. That skill is honed over years of study. That skill is useful in more ways than just murder. So while I occasionally dream up fanciful kills with no desire for follow through, I am very grateful for the methods I use.

I can only hope that Casey will gain those same skills in time.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe