It’s less
about regret that I’m not a more imaginative murderer, it’s more of an
intellectual experiment to see how far I can take it before I have to remind
myself that I have a life outside of murder. And bills to pay on top of that.
And where on earth would you buy half of that equipment without appearing on a
list?
What I occasionally
lack in creativity, I make up for in longevity and I am perfectly fine with
that.
Though, I
realize that my constant boasts about being one of the longest active serial
killers in the world may seem a bit of an excuse for a lack of consistency. And
you may be right. I’m very proud of my accomplishments but upon reflection and preparation
for teaching, I’ve come to realize that there may be some gaps in my resume.
While I’ll
never act on my desire to build Rube Goldberg bear trap head gear, I can still
ponder the areas of my life that I haven’t really explored. Like creating an
entire room that appears to be outside but is really filled with hallucinogenic
gas that tricks my victims into believing they’ve escaped, only to continue
running in place until they starve to death. They’re running in place because
they’re changed to the floor only they don’t realize it because they’ve been
drugged.
So I’m not
the best at these thought experiments. It’s not my area of expertise. I prefer
to exploit people and not objects. They are much easier to manipulate. If you
can understand how a person might instinctually behave in a fight, flight, freeze
or fawn type of scenario, then you can control the narrative they’re living
until they’re easy to kill.
People,
individually, are quite trusting. They want to believe in the best of humanity
so they force their guard down until the situation presents another way – even if
there’s a signal going off in their brain that means danger. They might still
be on alert but they won’t start their day believing that everyone is out to
kill them. They will wave to the man across the street to gauge this threat
level. They’ll keep responding to the stranger at the bar until they can prove
that their instincts are true. Because no matter what their instincts are
telling them, they want to believe in good.
And there
are people like me who exploit that desire for their own gain.
That in and
of itself, understanding people at a fundamental level, is a skill that most
don’t possess and not one easily taught. But I am endeavoring to teach Casey had to read people. Know whether they will run away, they’ll try to dominate,
they’ll lose control, or they’ll try to appeal to that belief in the goodness
of the world. Whatever they do, we must be ready.
Because we
have those same instincts as well. We might be faced with a conflict and try to
resolve it any number of ways. But that conflict – that victim – can never get
the better of us.
So above
all, we must know ourselves, in order to exploit others.
And that
skill takes time. That skill is honed over years of study. That skill is useful
in more ways than just murder. So while I occasionally dream up fanciful kills
with no desire for follow through, I am very grateful for the methods I use.
I can only
hope that Casey will gain those same skills in time.
As always,
dear readers,
Stay Safe
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