Your Mid-Week Update for 07/22/20

You’d think, after all this time, people would just stop being awful to each other. We are in the middle of a global pandemic, there is rioting in the streets. And someone thought it’d be a good idea to break into my house.

Obviously they had to die – that was a given – but because I am so inconceivably bored, I decided to have some fun with our would-be thief. Did you know, that a person is technically alive for 3-6 minutes after decapitation?

I do now.

I actually turned it into a sort of group project, since everyone in the house has killed at least one person and hasn’t objected to killing another. Heather was the most squeamish but she liked to watch and ask questions. I love a curious mind. It’s so rare that I get to talk about my process and really delve into my motivations on any one kill. Why this person? Why this method? The mechanics of a particular method.

It was really nice to share that with someone was just genuinely curious.

I let Casey and James get a few whacks in, of course. They were both eager to try out different things to see what would stick. We cut into his forearm and poured boiling water over it – we had to stuff his own socks into his mouth to cover the screams. We took a hammer the soles of his feet. Casey spent a bit of time with a knife, doodling into his chest. She likes killing quite a bit. For her, it’s not a means to an end, it’s something she takes pleasure in.

Every time I see her, I’m reminded of myself when I was just starting out. Blood thirsty and indulgently sadistic. I want to regain that youthful enthusiasm but I also want to take what I’ve learned and teach her how to avoid those pitfalls. Letting the addiction control me until I had to check myself in to a rehab, allowing my cockiness to let a monster into our lives, falling in love with a pawn (even if it turned out to be the best decision I ever made, it could have ended so badly).

I see myself in her but I don’t want her to be like me. I want her to be better.

I hope by letting her take the lead on disposing of the intruder’s body, I showed her how much I trust her. That is something that’s so important to me – always was. I want the kids to trust me. To know they can come to me with anything. That was part of my downfall with Jason. I spent so much time worrying about his sister, excited to have someone to share my secret with, that he fell through the cracks and it all fell apart.

I won’t let that happen with Casey.

I can’t.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe