I told Casey the truth.
I know we were
debating the merits of whether or not she deserved to know about her mother,
but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t keep it from her. It goes through my mind
constantly: if I had told Sandra and Jason the truth from the beginning, would
things have turned out differently?
Would Sandra have
gone off on her own and run straight into danger? Would Jason have left his
entire life behind to get away from me? Would I still have them? Would I have Casey?
James brought her into our lives because I was lonely and I needed someone.
Where would that little girl be if he hadn’t found her and brought her home?
Where would I be if I hadn’t lost two children and gained another?
I couldn’t keep
this a secret from her.
James and I sat
her down after her classes were done and we told her everything we knew about
her, and her mother, and the circumstances surrounding her father’s death. I
asked her if she’d killed her father like she’d killed her foster father and
she said “No. I stabbed my foster father in the chest but I slit my father’s
throat.”
She’s got me
there.
All this time, I
was worried that learning her mother was alive would make her want to run back
into her arms and leave us behind. It didn’t occur to me until later, that she
might want to finish the job.
Casey does want to
find her birth mother, but only so she can make sure she kills her properly.
She asked for my help. I suppose I would want to meet the mother of my child. I
just never imagined it going down this way.
The trouble is: I
have no idea where her mother is. We decided to make it a family project to
search. We’re going through hospital records, old contacts, police reports,
anything we can get our hands on with a bit of patience and a skeleton key. We’re
going to find out what happened to her mother after she left that hospital. And
then we’re going to kill her.
If we find her by
the time the weather gets warmer, maybe we can take a family vacation. Just the
three of us on the road, trying desperately to recreate that first road trip
that ended in disaster. Sun, slaying, and family.
(I spent a
ridiculous amount of time trying to figure out an alliteration for ‘family’ but
I gave up. Life is imperfect)
For the first time
in a while, I feel hope. Genuine hope that I can put the past behind me.
And I’ve just jinxed
myself. But the hope is still there.
For now.
As always, dear
readers,
Stay Safe
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