I still have no
idea what to do about Casey. I feel helpless – and you know how I feel about
feeling helpless. She is getting better. She’s interacting more, she even went
with me to get groceries this weekend. There’s just a lot that she’s not
dealing with and I don’t know who to support her.
So I killed a few
people just to make myself feel better. It’s a bit like eating my feelings
(giving in to an “unhealthy habit” in order to get some sort of instant
gratification). But you know what? If I keep doing it, those feelings of
gratification will never end and I won’t have to wonder if my daughter will
ever be able to deal with the trauma she endured while kidnapped by her birth
mother.
Killing people
makes me feel better. Even if it doesn’t solve the immediate problem, I deserve
to feel better.
Admittedly, it
wasn’t my smartest kill: now I have to go look for a new produce vendor. I am
going to miss her cherries. But her prices went up and I was in a shitty mood,
so I stabbed her in the neck with some gardening sheers and took home two bags
for my troubles.
And then there was
a man on the street who was talking on his phone, not paying attention, and
bumped right into me, making me spill coffee all over my shirt. A very sweet
gentleman grabbed some napkins and helped clean me up and I thanked him for his
pains by throwing his head against a cement wall until his brain started to
leak out his ears.
Not everyone I
kill deserves to die – and not everyone who deserves to die is killed by me. It’s
less about them and more about me and my needs. And we’re right back to the
instant gratification.
Honestly, what is
so wrong about prioritizing your own needs. You know the phrase “oxygen mask on
first before helping others” doesn’t just apply to airplanes. This entire
fucking existence is an emergency. Do what you want to do, don’t get caught,
and everyone will be a whole lot happier.
My last kill of
this week was some cyclist who flipped me off for opening my door into the bike
lane. He was fine! He still had plenty of room. And it’s not my fault the city
doesn’t think through their infrastructure. Honestly, I have yet to meet a
cyclist who isn’t an entitled asshole. They think they’re so much better than
motorists because they’re being “environmentally conscious”, but they have the
same aggressive attitude towards pedestrians that all of us have (including
other pedestrians) so they’re just as bad. And this guy. To cuss someone out
because they opened a door?
Sometimes, the
people who’s tires I slash and then offer them a ride to the repair shop but
instead drive them out into a wooded one-lane road and repeatedly run them over
before dumping their body in another wooded section…
Absolutely deserve
it.
As always, dear
readers,
Stay Safe
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