Your Midweek Update for 10/06/21

Sometimes it’s hard to write. That should seem obvious but this platform is for me to talk about my experiences so I’ll share them here. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and I just don’t want to write. Sometimes I don’t want to do anything at all. Sometimes it feels like there’s so much going on in my head that I’m weighed down by it. And I’m just… I’m so tired.

These last few days have been really hard. Not for any particular reason. I’m just tired. But I can’t rest because it’s fucking Wednesday and the days are moving so slowly and yet, I have no idea where the time’s gone.

I hate these pain meds, by the way. If I haven’t said twelve thousand times already. I feel like shit all the time. But I also can’t feel the bones in my knee fusing back together so I guess there’s that.

Fuck.

Words are really fucking hard right now and so much of my life is just words. That’s all we are: just stories and other people’s words and trying to put words to our feelings and experiences. But sometimes there are no words and you’re just stuck as this concept of a person with no control over your own existence. You’re just going through the motions without any realization of who and what you are. You’re completely powerless. All because you’re too tired to find the words. So then what are you if you have no words?

God, I hate these fucking pain meds.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe