Your Midweek Update for 12/22/21

Science is a serial killer’s best friend. Honestly, I can make an argument for all aspects of the education system – except for math but, of course, I decided to become a banker so I still have to retain some of my high school mathematics – but science really has to be on your side in order to succeed when it comes to murder. And not just Forensics, either: Biology, Physics, Chemistry, Computer, Psychology. Depending on what type of murder you’re committing, you’ll also need Oceanography, Archaeology, Astronomy.

I once bought a vacuum chamber off Amazon and used it to trap a man in an air-tight closet and slowly remove the oxygen. He blew up like a balloon.

In space, no one can hear you scream!

Anyway. The science I’m swooning over this week is chemistry. There are so many chemicals you can use to kill people. So many acids, so many poisons, so many “overhearing that the woman at the next table is allergic to olives and dropping enough olive oil in her cranberry juice to make her throat close up” moments.

And there are so many ways of using chemistry to dispose of a body. Burning is good but dissolving is better. There’s the standard hydrofluoric acid – ala the acid bath killer – but there’s also the much more effective alkaline hydrolysis which is becoming more popular among the recently dead and thus easier for me to use as a cover.

By that, I meant alkaline hydrolysis (lye and water heated to about 320F) is a legitimate alternative to cremation and leaves less bone matter behind.

However, I’ve discovered a new method that I am anxious to try – though I know I may never get a chance to.

Sulfuric acid and hydrogen peroxide, also known as Piranha Solution. This baby eats everything. Well, everything carbon-based which (surprise) humans are. I watched a video online today of this chemist dissolving a chicken leg in a few minutes. And I mean completely dissolved – bones and all. The liquid turned this black-green colour and boiled and clung to pieces of the chicken. It looked like a million little piranhas chomping away.

It was so cool!

But this still is incredibly toxic – obviously – and dangerous to handle so it’s not something you can safely piece together from household appliances. You would need to get the proper PPE to handle this stuff which I don’t currently have.

It’s too late to ask James to get it for me for Christmas but maybe there will be some boxing week sales.

But I have been obsessing over different methods of chemical disposal all afternoon because of this video. It was seriously so cool.

I know I’ve got the right hobby because I watched that scientist and immediately thought “that would be so useful for disposing dead bodies – or live ones.” It’s just nice to have my passions reaffirmed since I’ve been feeling less than stellar lately.

A nice little spark of creativity just before the holidays. What a nice gift from the universe.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe