Your Midweek Update for 03/23/22

Spring is always so messy in my line of work. Muddy footprints, flooded body dump sites, increased visibility. Especially in the first few weeks when the weather warms, I have to be hypervigilant about my every move. Now more than ever.

It hit me the other day how natural my partnership with James really was. I relied on him for everything without ever realizing it. He was just always there. Garbage bag full of body parts ripped? He bought extra-strength on our next grocery run. Left a shoe print at a crime scene? He ‘accidentally’ stepped in it to obscure the tracks. Need to talk to Jason about puberty? He just takes care of it.

He just always took care of it – took care of me – and I trusted him to always be there and now he’s gone. I don’t want to but I miss him. Of course I miss him. He was my partner in all things for ten years and then he decided to fall in love with someone else.

Those were the words he used.

Not ‘slept with’, not ‘have feelings for’, not ‘fucked’. “I am in love with someone else.”

What the fuck was I supposed to say to that? ‘Congratulations’?

He was mine – obsessed with me, beholden to me, MINE – and now, what, the spell is broken? Ten years was enough time and he’s going to move on?

I should have killed him. Should have killed them both. I still think about it, sometimes. I know why I couldn’t. It doesn’t make me any less angry. This thing that was a part of my life for so long is just gone and I didn’t have a say in how or why it went away. I suppose I can control the ‘how’. I’m the one who left. I’m the one who can’t forgive his actions. He wanted to stay, wanted to get over it and keep the family together.

How was I supposed to trust him knowing he wasn’t fully in it?

My entire life is about trust. I can’t trust anyone because I and everyone I love will lose. But I trusted him. I trusted him with my life – with the lives of my children – and fuck if he didn’t throw it in my face.

I’m glad he’s not the petty, vindictive type. I could be sitting in an electric chair right now but instead, I’m in a slightly uneven desk chair that has definitely conformed to someone else’s ass. Even when he’s gone, I am still putting my trust in him. I can only hope and pray that he doesn’t turn me in. Because I still can’t kill him. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to.

I might not be his anymore but he will always be mine.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Excerpt of The Cruiser by Rowan Rossler

I am thrilled to be hosting a spot on the THE CRUISER by Rowan Rossler Blog Tour hosted by Rockstar Book Tours. Check out my post and make sure to enter the giveaway!

Excerpt of Showmances and Stage Kisses by Bowden Walker

I am thrilled to be hosting a spot on the SHOWMANCES AND STAGE KISSES by Suzanne de Planque Writing As Bowden Walker Blog Tour hosted by Rockstar Book Tours. Check out my post and make sure to enter the giveaway!

 

Excerpt of A Measure of Serenity by Bryan Prosek

I am thrilled to be hosting a spot on the A MEASURE OF SERENITY by Bryan Prosek Blog Tour hosted by Rockstar Book Tours. Check out my post and make sure to enter the giveaway!

 

Your Midweek Update for 16/03/22

I hate my body right now, this is not how I wanted to spend my week. I fucked up my hip on Sunday chasing down a victim and now I have this shooting pain up my side whenever I breathe. Totally normal. I’m just grumpy because I didn’t sleep well and I have to make a chiropractor appointment for some time this week.

I have enough time, it’s not like I’m doing much beyond going to work and murdering people, it’s just disappointing to face my own mortality and deteriorating body. I hate this reminder that I’m going to have to stop killing one day. There is a small comfort in knowing I will be able to pass my legacy on to Casey – provided she lives to maturity – but it’s not the same. I would much rather be an immortal murderer than have the memory of my deeds living on through others.

If you think that’s selfish, you’re new here and you have no fucking idea what you’ve gotten yourself into.

I threw a man off his apartment balcony the other day and it hurt. I was too busy doubled over in pain to enjoy the splat has his body hit the ground and his bones snapped in unnatural positions until he looked like a towel swan.

A towel swan? Is that what they’re called. Those things that fancy hotels who try too hard do where they fold a told a towel into different shapes – usually a swan. Once, I saw a towel dolphin and that was very cool. I love seeing people take their seemingly useless skills and putting them to good use. It makes the world more interesting.

For example, I am insanely good at accents – or so my husband always said. I sometimes put on a voice when I don’t want to talk to an unruly customer. It only backfired once when I did an Australian accent and the client asked if we were from the same area. I also get to use it in my hobby because being able to disguise one’s voice is a very practical skill when committing countless murders.

And I do mean countless. I’ve actually lost track now, there’s been so much going on the past few years. I remember when I hit 500 and we might have hit 700 by now but like I said: I stopped counting probably around the time I burned my journals.

A lot has changed over the last decade. Mostly for the worse. But at least I still have a few more years before I have to seriously consider retirement. For now, if that means I have to make time for a chiropractor appointment, then that’s what I have to do.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Author C.J. Listro's Favourite Scenes from Rebellion

I am thrilled to be hosting a spot on the REBELLION by C.J. Listro Blog Tour hosted by Rockstar Book Tours. Check out my post and make sure to enter the giveaway! Link in bio.

 

Excerpt of Blood and Fire by Kim Mullican

I am thrilled to be hosting a spot on the BLOOD AND FIRE by Kim Mullican Blog Tour hosted by Rockstar Book Tours. Check out my post and make sure to enter the giveaway!

Your Midweek Update for 03/09/22

 I didn’t sleep with Ben at all this week and here’s why I think it’s wonderful.

This idea of sleeping with someone and not killing them was feeling dangerously close to a relationship with feelings and emotions – and, as we’ve discovered recently, emotions only lead to heartbreak – so not exclusively sleeping with one person is good for me.

Even if I do end up killing most of the others.

One of them left before I came, one of them slapped me thinking it was “sexy”, and another one just smelled weird. They had to go. Especially that second one. We didn’t even finish our little interaction, I just shoved him against the open window and crushed his windpipe. He also may have been missing a hand which was not the smartest thing if I wanted to make it look like an accident but the personal satisfaction of disconnecting the hand that struck me from the man that had the audacity was worth it.

I’ve been hearing this word a lot lately – audacity. Fuck, it’s such a good word. It sounds vicious and strong. Like, if you have audacity you are a fucking nuisance and that is either an infuriating or admirable trait (3 guess which our slap-happy friend was). It is just a good word to use in everyday life, I’m glad it’s coming back.

Another word I’d love to see return: defenestrate. It didn’t go anywhere but we should definitely be using it more often. Let’s just start tossing people out of windows when they piss us off. Or just because. People need to live in fear of being flung out of windows.

Also: disembowel. Strangely I hear this word more often than defenestrate despite it being slightly more graphic – that shouldn’t actually be a surprise, I guess. My life is rather violent. Do you think there was something about me that gave him the impression that I like my sex as violent as my life?

EVISCERATION!

That is another stellar word that needs to be brought back into the public lexicon. I will have to do that to the next person I kill. Make a bunch of young reporters learn the word evisceration for print and film. I’m doing it for them as much as me.

You know me: always a giver.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Trailer Reveal for The Lords of Invention by Trenor Rapkins

Today Trenor Rapkins and Rockstar Book Tours are revealing the trailer for THE LORDS OF INVENTION, his Steampunk Graphic Novel which released on March 10, 2021! Check out the awesome trailer and enter the giveaway!

Your Midweek Update for 03/02/22

 We're not going to talk about why I missed last week's update. We're not going to talk about whose bed I slept in. And we're not going to talk about the fact that I've seen him twice since then.

We're going to call him Ben. Ben works at the craft store across the street from my new office. Ben is about a decade my junior. Buck gives really good head. You know when you look at someone's face and you just know their jaw muscles are built for cunnilingus? That's Ben.

We don't do a ton of talking but I know that he's sweet and polite and even though he has a hint of a "southern hospitality vibe about him", he's never once called me "ma'am". It's a routine I could definitely get used to: work, orgasm, murder, home. 

Neither of us are looking for a relationship - he says he isn't the type of settle but I think he's just too pretentious to keep a girlfriend for more than a few months. He's like a hipster who's built like a lumberjack. The second time we had sex, he kept the beanie on. 

But you know what? I don't want to kill him. For once, I want to keep something all to myself that I get to keep for more than one night. Having that assurance than I don't have to hide our rendezvous, I can meet him out in the open and not worry about witnesses tying me to his disappearance or death. I can just relax and have a good time and get my jollies elsewhere. There's still plenty of people to murder. I've never been much of a black widow but I also haven't had a romantic partner that wasn't also my husband in nearly 15 years. 

What's the protocol when you're a serial killer and casually dating? Is it a faux pas to kill your lover or is it expected? I don't know the procedure here. It feels like there's an expectation of murder which means I'm going against the grain by keeping Ben alive. 

Fun fact: the g-spot was named for a man named Grafenburg who first identified it. Is it great that most body parts on the female body are named after men? No. Are we surprised at all? Also no.

My point is: I'm not ready to kill Ben just yet. Which means I'm just going to have to get over the social stigma of keeping my lovers alive.

Life is hard by we persevere.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe